Supercommunicators

If someone had asked twenty-year-old me what I thought the most difficult challenges of my life would be I probably would’ve replied with something about technology, career, financial stability, something banal like that. By thirty I knew better: communicating with others is by far the hardest part of my life. And by forty I had a fair inkling that the effort was going to be a lifelong one.

I was lucky. Sure, I wish I’d known all that earlier, had more time to learn and practice and connect, but I’m still thankful to have learned it at all: not everyone does. Since I was late to the game, I’ve relied on books for my ramping up and ever-continuing education: most notably Nasty People and Nonviolent Communication. And now—did you think I’d forgotten that this was supposed to be a book review?—possibly Supercommunicators, too. Too early to tell, but judging from my notes and page markers I think it has a good chance.

Duhigg’s principal focus is on recognizing three overall types of high-stakes conversations, which he memorably sums up as: Do you want to be Helped, Hugged, or Heard? From that starting point he elaborates fairly effectively, diving deeper into each, offering research, examples, and useful insights. Occasional tangents, such as advice for communicating online, were germane and welcome. My one quibble is hard to describe, maybe a chemistry thing: I occasionally found myself unable to relate. And I’ll leave it at that.

Four stars IMO, but five in importance. I found much new and thoughtful material in here despite my occasional disconnects. Your experience will differ from mine, you may get more out of it, or less, but I urge you to read it because we’re all works in progress, and we all have room for improvement in how we relate to each other. And because, despite it being the most challenging element of my life, communicating is also the most rewarding.