Ywa

I've never been more conflicted on the rating of a book. I wish this was a clear-cut perfect book for me, but unfortunately, it wasn't. I loved it for the most part but there were some things that bugged and it's hard to get past them (maybe I'll get into it one day). Despite its flaws, I do understand why it's such a revered work of fiction and I guess I still count this as one of my favorites, just with an asterisk.

The world of men is a brutal place. And yet women visit our offices, approach us in the streets, and send us petitions with tens of thousands more signatures every year to ask for more freedom. They feel their safety comes at the expense of their freedom. And, gentlemen, the trouble with freedom is it isn't just an empty phrase that serves well in a speech.

“There is no standard normal. Normal is subjective. There are seven billion versions of normal on this planet.”

If I'm very conflicted on how to rate this book. I've had quite a few problems with it. But it feels wrong to blast someone's personal account of their struggle with mental illness. Because this is what this book is, a memoir.

I feel that the title and the marketing were slightly misleading to me as I went into thinking it will go more into the existential question that opens the summary of this book “What does it mean to feel truly alive?” I thought it would try to approach this topic more universally, both from his personal experience and from the perspective of the research I'd assumed he's made on this topic. However, when it comes to answering this question there's no more than a list of the things that he enjoys and that make him feel alive and a few Twitter responses from random people.

The rest of the book is a breakdown of the sudden episode of depression that occurred when he was 24 years old. I noticed a lot of people were upset about his privileged background and how he had a strong support system made of his loving girlfriend and parents who practically carried him for a good while until he figured out how to stop being a living dead. But it's not like he can do anything about that. It's his personal experience. What I chose to take from this is that love is a powerful tool and that I have to cherish every moment of it is my personal life and that hopefully this will always keep me afloat while figuring out what can make me feel better.

Nonetheless, even taking this as a memoir I didn't feel fully satisfied with the content. From my perspective, it was too brief and superficial for such a heavy topic. I do understand that this was a very difficult thing to talk about, the author mentions several times that he was quite terrified about writing this book as he was afraid that it would trigger another grueling episode of depression. I can respect this fear. However, I, personally, needed more substance and I could tell he was holding back. There few part of the book that truly spoke to me, but many times I felt he was just barely scratching the surface. I wanted to know more of the why and the how. I suppose it all comes down to expectations. I was expecting too much from this book.

However, I can see how it can be valuable for a lot of people. I have had an interest in mental health and systems since I was a teenager. Since then I've been passionate about figuring out what makes me “Me”, what makes me behave how I behave, have the thoughts I have. But a lot of people don't have the experience of this quest so this book could be a good start. Whether they are struggling with their own “demons” or they want to understand better those of their loved ones, this book can offer some insight and hope.

“If you are the type of person who thinks too much about stuff then there is nothing lonelier in the world than being surrounded by a load of people on a different wavelength.”“The key is in accepting your thoughts, all of them, even the bad ones. Accept thoughts, but don't become them. Understand, for instance, that having a sad thought, even having a continual succession of sad thoughts, is not the same as being a sad person. You can walk through a storm and feel the wind but you know you are not the wind.”

Nothing I have't heard of before. But I like that it was very concise and straightforward. Most books of this kind are usually bloated with filler pages. Even though it's nothing new it made strangely motivated to come up with a plan and practice all these stratagies together. I hope I'll see some results as I'm in desperate need of improvement now that I've changed jobs and my schedule has drastically changed leading to me being all over the place.

The rating is purely for “The Cosmos” and “Heal” sections, as I felt these were the only ones I connected with. I've read the entire collection, and I thought many of the poems were beautifully written, but the other sections are simply not relevant to me at point in my life. I would've probably appreciated them in my teenage years/early 20's.

Did I find her advice really useful? Not really. If I had to answer on the spot I'd say Mel Robbins comes from a good place but her suggestions are oversimplified and thinly based on science. And the book was very repetitive. But I did find her narration comforting, I consumed it in audiobook form and I had an enjoyable time listening to her talk. She feels like a genuine person and I deeply connected to her experience of suffering from crippling anxiety. Though she talked a looot about the snooze button and her inability to get up on time in the morning and that is not a problem I've ever had, ha ha. But I can see where she's coming from.

Bought this on a whim as I was intrigued by the cover. Didn't even read the blurb, but the fingerprints and the skull key along the title promised a different kind of story. Read it in one sitting because I wanted to know wodunit, unfortunately it was too juvenile and the ending was especially underwhelming. Nonetheless it kept me entertained for one evening. Probably would have loved it 15 years ago.

“This is a memoir of (my) body because, more often than not, stories of bodies like mine are ignored or dismissed or derided. People see bodies like mine and make their assumptions. They think they know the why of my body. They do not.”

It's definitely not a piece of writing that's left me cold. I have to mention that I can't quite stomach some things that Roxanne Gay says at certain points in this memoir, she is very angry about many things and lashes out by being very unfair and judgmental towards many people (I'm not talking about those who gave wronged her, I mean people who have literally nothing to do with what happened to her and who's biggest crime is to weigh less and not have had her traumatic experiences). Nonetheless this is not about my feelings, it's about hers and I can sympathize with what she's been and still going through and I can understand her anger and why she would find it hard to believe that most people are not horrible. I can respect her perspective, which is raw and disheartening but equally honest and important to hear.

The setting of this book was the one that picked my interest. Getting to know post-colonial Mozambique through its legends and traditions was a worthwhile endeavor. Having as narrator a spirit that can inhabit people is also a great device. However, I'm not convinced this was the best translation and I can't say I felt at all an emotional connection. And I'm sure I missed a lot of the symbolism by not having a lot of knowledge about this part of the world.

“Not proud of the fact that when crossing the road, I use fellow humans as a buffer from the oncoming traffic, but there it is: that's the sort of person I am.”

Disliking this is not exactly an unpopular opinion, which is a bit comforting considering I've been hate-reading for most of this week. I'm actually worried I'll ever enjoy another contemporary again. I was hoping to like this one, the cover and the blurb got my hopes up. But I didn't find this even remotely funny and the characters were so unlikable they just about became insufferable.

Verișoara ta plânge și tu a strângi în brațe, ea spune că mama ta era mătușă ei preferată, tu stai cu spatele lipit de oblonul din dreapata al camionetei, îl vezi pe paznicul spitalului, îl privești, îi observi gesturile, acum deschide al doilea canat al porții ruginite, vezi patru câini ieșind pe trotuar.

Ea merge alături de ține, îți spune "potolește-te, suntem pe stradă..."

Voiai să duci gunoiul, te gândeai să-ți faci o cafea aveai de lucru la calculator...

Unfortunately I was not a fan of the rambling narrative. Just a never-ending stream of he did this and he did that and the narration went on like this for 200 pages, following people whose actions felt devoid of any purposeful meaning. Pointless dry and depressing. The constant shift between present and past tense was also grating. I wonder if this book was written based on journal entries. It felt like messy chunks of stream of consciousness.

This is a book for anyone who has ever failed. Which means it's a book for everyone.

Yeah...no. I kind of, sort of have to disagree. I don't think it's particularly relatable because Day comes from a place of great privilege which many times played a role in the way she dealt with her various struggles. The average Joe & Joanna, or even more, people with financial great struggles won't have the luxury of the choices she was able to make. But it's not like she can help being this fortunate, can she? So I decided to take it for what it was: an okay memoir. I listened to it on audio and it felt like a long podcast.