Diane of the Green Van

Well, the story itself was fairly engaging...except for the Carl parts!

Diane Westfall has a longing to get away from society and go on an Arcadian adventure in a green gypsy van. Starting in Connecticut and ending in Florida is the plan. But this quiet plan gets hijacked with henchmen from the tiny principality of Houdania, who think she's in come way connected with their country's affairs. Diane manages to be blissfully ignorant of foreign diplomats, coded messages, and attempts on her life, while her sworn knight Philip Poynter travels along in a hay wagon and keeps watch over her. (At this point, I was kinda beginning to think, And how did this novel manage to qualify for the $10,000 prize? )

It gets worse. Carl Granberry, her cousin, is flat broke and loves to drink and play his flute. He's shown as a profligate, careless fellow, who at the same time preaches to others to quit living the way he is and go in for sobriety. (Thankfully, they do take him at his word.) Diane doesn't like him because his mother, her aunt, decided to “pick a eugenic mate” and not get married, but to have a child (Of course, in those days they didn't have IVF. They just went out and had an affair.) So she won't listen to his proposals (YES, they are first cousins; apparently it was still legal then.) and basically thinks he isn't good enough for her.

But THEN Carl goes out and realizes something is up with these crazy foreign dudes and feels he's in danger. He takes matters into his own hands. He kidnaps people and tortures them!! to get information. The blundering aunt accidentally saves a prince from him in this fashion.

So, at this point (about 50%), it's become entirely improbable. It goes crazier after that. (And yes, at this point I was just reading for entertainment's value, because it was like watching a top unwind with all the crazy stuff going on. And there was the matter of it being a prize novel...I kept thinking something redemptive was going to happen to justify that. I've read the author before and some of her books are on my favorites shelf. Was someone using her name to trick me??) So, apparently the author agreed with me about the timing for putting in some redemption. By now Diane's made it to Florida and become friends with a shy Indian girl who lives with the Seminoles (good people, you know, and smart, because they were related to the Mayans and had a really great view of no person being better than another and no code of law except every person doing his personal best to be decent. None of that crazy rich person stuff, or monarchy.)

I'd better add a spoiler for the rest, because this is too good to not give away the ending... So Diane goes to live in the Everglades with her new friend Keela. Keela's beauty is even greater than Diane's own, and she has been carefully educated by a white man who has come to live in the area, Mic-co, her foster-father who has raised her from childhood (and was also, it turns out, her mother's first husband.) Well, Philip Poynter finds Diane and sets up camp nearby to watch out for her. He's declared his love several times, but her response is always a cool "The moon is on your head tonight, Philip." Now we are getting to the end of things with the Houdanian government, especially as Keela kills their main spy when he's trying to get the drop on Diane again. Carl turns up and tries to kill Diane again; by this time he's using injected drugs and is really off his rocker. Philip carefully hauls him out to Mic-Co for an emotional overhaul.A few weeks pass. The players all show up for the final showdown and telling of secrets. -The prince goes crazy. With Carl better, he gets turned over to Mic-Co, who is actually his cousin who he thought he'd murdered.-Carl becomes an outdoorsy sort and embraces Mic-Co's philosophy, including Buddism.-Keela and Diane are half-sisters-Carl finds his father, who is ridiculously rich.-Diane apologizes to Carl for thinking his mother immoral for having a child out of wedlock (really funny part here, because a precious owner penciled on the page edges, "vile," "his whole problem is because of his parents," and "this is immoral.")-Diane gets married to Philip, who is impossibly rich.-Keela and Carl become engaged-Everyone loves the Indians, but the "negroes" are lazy and no-good.

Second star tacked on for pure entertainment crash value. This one was such a big bust that the Everglades still haven't swallowed the dust.