Educated: A Memoir

Don't read this when you have anything to do or anywhere to be. It's gripping.

After finishing this, I was struck by several things:

1) how important it is that realization, and consequently change, happens internally. There are several characters in the book that see her situation for what it is, and Tara can't comprehend what they're saying. It's like someone is asleep - they have to choose to wake up. You cannot wake them up from the outside.

2) her inability to accept help. Mercifully, several characters see what's happening and try so hard to help her. She refuses their help. It does make a difference that they reached out, eventually, so small things do matter. One astute, persistent professor in particular.

3) lack of boundaries. After she's realized the toxicity of her family, she still allows her visiting parents to stay in her dorm room. For a WEEK. I don't care how good of a relationship you have with your even normal parents, that won't fly. You can hear the dread, but she still can't say no. The strength of a child's desire (even, especially an adult child) to have a close, functional relationship with their parents (and siblings) is so strong you get the feeling that if there were any attempt by them to reach out she would reciprocate. And this is the kind of relationship that cannot exist in a nontoxic form.

Getting an education was the tipping point, but this book is about much more than that - her journey of learning to stop rationalizing, see the painful truth for what it is, and think for herself. This is worth the read for her incredibly clear, honest writing of self-discovery, and it's an excellent look into human nature. I hope she continues to seek therapy, learn to stick up for herself, and has the support she needs to navigate whatever comes next.