It's Not Okay

If you came for the tell-all you'll do a lot of skimming, like I did.

I was consistently disgusted with Andi Dorfman for the first half, but then the tone changed slightly and by the end it had actually seemed like she'd grown as a person. At least a little bit. She's either more clever than I thought and managed to do this on purpose or she has a great editor who whipped this shitshow into some slight semblance of redemption.

Dorfman still comes across like a spoiled, sheltered, mean-girl no matter what though. There are so many unnecessary catty explanations for her behavior. I'm not convinced she drank and mentioned alcohol as much as she did because she was going through a breakup. You can be a functioning alcoholic and mostly drink wine.

“Atny” she abbreviated to complete my nametag.
Though she'd abbreviated my profession incorrectly, I decided to let it slide, since I was, after all, there to make a good impression.

I informed the group that we would all be taking a lie detector test! Yay! The horror on their faces made the feminist inside me squeal with excitement.

I couldn't risk impulsively using him for sex, since clearly my urge had not yet been satisfied, and though the feminist in me kind of wanted to “hit it and quit it,” I wasn't ballsy or bitchy enough to do it.

Or when your friend has a baby exactly eight months after her wedding and everyone plays along with the whole it's-a-honeymoon-baby bullshit.

Good Lord, what if I have to go number two?

The fireplace catches my eye... I'll burn it all!... First up, the striped pima cotton t-shirt... I see the tag still on it.

I grasp the sides of the waistband and go for the power tug. That's when I hear the dreaded sound of a rip... That seam is not stretched, it's split. I quickly roll the leggings down my thighs and, in an effort to hide my mortification, hang them back up and slip them in the middle of the rest of the hanging pants, before sprinting out of the dressing room without trying on another item.

He hates red lipstick, just like every other man in this world does.

...recognizing the simple yet impactful meaning of friendships.