Looking for Alaska

Okay so I finished reading this book roughly 19 seconds ago and I need to hash this out while it's fresh, ya feel me, Goodreads.com?

I read this book because Tumblr.com peer-pressured me into it. And I had read The Fault in Our Stars and it's just lovely, so why not.

Let me tell you this, Goodreads.com. Let me tell you.

This book. Is terrible. It's awful. It's horrible. It's so bad I am angry I made myself finish it.

The story is populated entirely by pretentious, pseudo-intellectual 16-year-old super special snowflakes. It is written in pretentious, pseudo-intellectual prose. Everyone is in love with the manic pixie dream girl with the quirky name who has no real personality whatsoever other than being sooo mysterious and unpredictable omgggg. Also, boobs and booze. Boobs, booze, and mystery! She serves no purpose other than to be the protag's wet dream, and it's pathetic.

And then she dies only I don't care and neither does our narrator who is mostly upset because he didn't get to bang her before she died.

This book just tries so very very hard to be deep and meaningful and labyrinths and just the biggest load of crap I have ever had to try to make sense out of. The character development is bull. The moral of the story is bull. This feels like it was posted in serialized form on Livejournal before being picked up by a publisher.

John Green, I'm sorry, but we can't be friends anymore.