Normal People

So uncomfortable, I could not read for more than thirty minutes at a time: I'd get so tense I'd have to stand up, pace, vent nervous energy. Also: so good, I'd always sit right back and continue reading.

It's tragic that life doesn't come with an instruction manual (would we read it if we had one?). Normal People is a compressed arc of two peoples' discovery of their Selves, of how to become human beings in a world that often makes it so hard. Rooney packs a lot of material into four years: social dynamics, family abuse, somewhat more sociopathy than (I hope) most of us encounter in a lifetime, shame, forgiveness, communication, self-hatred, privilege, acceptance, and growth. The principal characters are decent people, intelligent and with good moral sense; also flawed, being shitty to others or to themselves at times, with no training in or experience with real human communication; suffering and causing pain to others because of it. Social expectations play a huge role throughout: our need for acceptance and the convoluted ways we torture ourselves and others to gain it, how crippling our social framework can be for developing a fulfilling life. How society's limited definitions (“riding”, “bf/gf”, “friends”) completely misses the infinite variety of loving relationships we can have between two or more people. How, if we're very very lucky, we can meet and recognize and attach to the right kinds of people, ones who make us better.

I seem to have a thing for tying current life events to my book readings. In this case, I read Normal People in the context of an email exchange with a dear friend in which we spoke of intimate friendship and radical conversation: of safe communication despite discomfort, of truly listening, of commitment and perseverance despite and throughout miscommunications. So that was my frame of mind while reading the book, and while that added to the poignancy of each communication misstep, and my sadness that we don't learn earlier how to listen, what I came away with was intense admiration for Rooney: she's not even thirty and already has an exquisite sense of and empathy for the human mind. Maybe her next book will be that life how-to guide that future youngsters will read.