Pageboy: A Memoir

Despite being about a Hollywood actor, writer and director, this book did not have that much about Hollywood in it, just mentions of lots of his work (most of which I haven't seen). And despite being the memoir of a trans man, there's not much about his transition either. Pageboy is more about Page's life pre-transition than post-. Tons of dysphoria and self-loathing and shame and hiding, and questioning, and hopelessness.

I don't even know how to write about this one. But Page did, and his writing was beautiful - spare but enough. This collection of autobiographical essays is not linear, which seems to be one of the big issues reviewers had with it, but while I get it, that didn't hamper how I felt about it. It sounds like he's in a better headspace now, better able to get and take what he needs after decades of putting everyone else first. It's a difficult read because you can feel the despair seeping into so much of it, having people not believe you, trying to keep a major part of your identity under wraps and feeling miserable and dissociative anyway, even in the happy times.

CW: eating disorders/anorexia, rape/sexual assaults, homophobia/transphobia, gender dysphoria, verbal abuse, anxiety, depression