Rhythm, Chord & Malykhin

 “Look like a hooker or look like a hooker. I went with the latter.”
Synopsis
Gaby has just finished graduate school and broken up with her boyfriend. With no job prospects and not even a vague inkling about what she might like to do for a career, she is moping at her parent's place. Gaby's twin brother, Eli, is touring with his band and another, and they just fired their merch guy, so he invites her to join them on their tour of the US, Europe and Australia selling merch. On her first night she hears the lead singer of the other band and decides she is in love.

“Apparently, she had gobbled up the information like a hooker would a penis.”
Content & Trigger Warnings

• Transphobic language
• Homophobic language
• Internalised misogyny
• Slut-shaming

“You know who else is high class? Hookers. Hookers are high class.”

Sacha didn't even miss a beat. He blinked those clear gray eyes at me and asked very seriously, “Do you know from experience?”

Tropes and Themes

• Rockstar romance
• Love triange (kinda)
• Not-like-other-girls
• Instalove
• Forced proximity

“Why are you holding men's shampoo?” A smirk covered his mouth a second later. “You finally decided to go through with that surgery, huh?”

My Thoughts

• I've seen a lot of hype over various Mariana Zapata books, though admittedly not this one, so I had reasonably positive expectations. If this is representative of the quality and content of her other books, I'll be removing them from my TBR.
  
  
• The characters are supposed to be in their mid-to-late 20s but I've encountered teenagers who act more maturely.
  
  
• FMC Gaby has a lot of internalised misogyny and gives massive not-like-other-girls energy. Any time she sees a female fan of the band or the MMC Sacha's friend and ex, she is calling them sluts, whores etc in her internal monologue.
  
  
• Gaby's brother and their mutual friends constantly insult her. Constantly. This is presented as friendly banter, but all of the banter and ‘jokes' revolve around homophobic, transphobic, gendered and sex-based insults, with the exception of those that are about her weight (see, they never call her by her name, always Flabby or Flabs). This is presented as evidence of their love.
  
  
• Sacha (MMC) is so bland. He doesn't participate in any of the homophobic or transphobic ‘banter' and is possibly the only person in the book that isn't mean to Gaby, but that's his most defining positive feature. Other than the tattoos, I guess?
  
  
• Most of the book, Sacha is stringing both his ex, Liz, who wants to get back together, and Gaby along. And then when Gaby finally speaks to him about what they are to each other, he's like “oh, you're my girl, didn't you know?” How could she, you've never spoken about it?!
  
  
• On that note, Gaby never actually expresses her feelings or desires either, then gets in a snit and gives Sacha a week of silent treatment because she saw him sat next to a girl and talking to her. Childish doesn't even begin to cover it.
  
  
• I enjoy a slow-burn, and I appreciated there not being a big third act conflict, but the plot and pacing of this story was just... absent and I didn't feel any chemistry between Gaby and Sacha.
  
  
• So many random things that made little to no sense. Why have a scene of Gaby discovering about 3/4s through the book that Sacha is diabetic when it has no relevance to the plot and is never mentioned again? Also, the whole UK tour section of the book made me think the author did no research about the logistics of touring the UK - they seem to be there a few weeks but only have two named UK dates almost as far away from each other as you can get in the UK days apart, so what were they doing all the rest of the time there? Presumably travelling to the next town or city they were playing in that would only have been a few hours away (so why the upgraded tour bus, which they then abandon to traverse the rest of Europe, where a bus you can sleep in might be useful if you are going country to country, in a van?).
  
  
• I switch between reading the book and listening to the audio. There is a discrepancy in the text of the two that makes me think the Kindle version I read has been edited post-release but the audiobook hasn't been. Gaby is wishing misfortune on her ex, and in the audiobook she wishes for him to “hook up with a transvestite” whereas the book she wishes for him to “hook up with someone with syphilis”. Good that it's been changed I guess but it leaves a bad taste for me that it was ever there, and I feel Zapata is a-OK with transphobia due to all the other instances being left in.
  
  
• In short, there was nothing that redeemed this book for me and I don't know why I didn't DNF it.

“But more than ever, I wanted Brandon's ass torn up by a dozen hung porn stars.”