Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed

Probably just about a 3.5 but I'm still rounding up coz I feel it's an important issue to talk about.

I think my slightly lower rating of a collection I thought I'll be blown away by is more of an expectations problem because I did go into this hoping to find atleast a few essays which deeply spoke to me, and it disappointed me when there was hardly one where I could find parts of myself in, that too written by a man (Geoff Dyer), whose societal expectations of fatherhood are in no way similar to the expectations put upon me as a married woman to have a child. There was also one essay by Lionel Shriver at the halfway point which came across as condescending and smug, with its racist tone of lament that the population with superior European genes will be in the minority in western countries in a few decades.

The other essays were ofcourse good in the sense that I could empathize with all the writers' dilemmas and choices that made them ultimately decide to not be a parent. But most of them had at one point or the other, seriously contemplated having a child (especially most of the women); many even tried and it didn't happen due to other life circumstances; a couple got abortions or had miscarriages which later cemented their idea to not have kids; or some happened upon this decision due to childhood trauma. But there wasn't one essay where I could find a woman deciding not to be a mother just because she didn't want to, and not because she was past her age of fertility and didn't regret not having a child in hindsight.

But this collection is still valuable because the topic is being talked about. Many individuals and couples are contemplating not being parents as a legitimate choice to make in this day and age, and I think we should be able to listen to all those voices and not stigmatize such choices, nor put parenthood (and particularly motherhood) on a pedestal, calling it the ultimate purpose of human existence.