Throne of Glass

DNF at 45%. Yes, I feel almost 200 pages were enough for me to judge this dumpster fire. Don't even bother trying to convince me I need more of it or that the next book is better. This is just... No.



What is the female version of ‘edgelord'? Edge...lady? Celaena is that, with a bit of Mean Girls added in. I will develop that a bit more later.

So we have an 18-year-old girl who is the bestestestest assassin EVER. We don't know, she just said so and because the best assassin said it, she can't be wrong. And we know she is the best, because she just said it. Stop asking questions.
She got fucked over in some way. No questions. So now she is a slave in a mine for a year already, which makes her special, as people die after like a month normally. BUT! The crown prince shows up at the prison colony (what did I tell you? Shush) to take her out and give her an offer she can't refuse. She competes in a tournament thing, wins, becomes the king's own killer for a few years she can buy her freedom. YAY.

Basically Sarah J. Maas just took a basic idiot, put her in a Middle Ages type fantasy setting she doesn't know shit about, didn't research or give a fuck and made her heroine (AHAHAHA) act like a high school girl. I know it is fantasy. I KNOW. But that doesn't mean I can totally forget about facts of life, like mines fucking you up bad. You won't just go on days long horse rides literally hours later. You don't just get better after a night of sleep and a bath. You won't keep up in a swordfight with a grownasss male soldier on your very first training session.
Sarah J. Maas obviously never tried riding horses, never looked into swords and fighting with swords, never did any physical labour and never missed more than one meal in her life for any reason. Which is fine. But then at least GET INFORMED.
But hey... it all doesn't matter when you use your world as a fancy backdrop for bullshit teenage girl drama.

Because this was teenage girl non-issue drama galore.
Celaena Sardothien is a bitch. You see the cover? There is none of that. But she squees about dresses. Judges other based on their dresses or appearance. Hot guys get a pass. She gets bitchy if she is not automatically the best at everything. She is stupid as fuck and others have to tell her how to survive. She has no manners and in this world nobody sees any issue with her asking private questions of the bloody crown prince of... Arlanda? (Yes, that is a Swedish airport, but the country's name is similar and I don't care. Arlanda it is.) She is boastful.
Also, doesn't make any sense. She flippity-flops between “my master made me break my own arm at like age 8 to train me, it was brutal”, but then legitimately makes one of the guys bring her slippers to her bed, as she refuses to step on the cold floor. She has NO SKILLS and as much as she hates on the rich girls around her, she is not one bit better. NOT ONE BIT.
She is edgy, though. Uhhhh. She keeps fantasising about murdering this or that person. Everyone. All the time. Never does it. But hey. I was almost as edgy as her at age 13, when I bought a fake nosering, but only dared to put it in once I knew none of my mother's acquaintances were gonna see me.

We also have the issue of how this is going to be a love triangle and a “kiss her ass” contest between the two hot guys. They are best friends, though, he prince and his super duper soldier boy. Both are like... really cool and have super sassy conversations with the protagonist. Giggity. She wants to kiss them. She really does. Especially the prince for now. But like... the other. But the prince.

What about the competition, you ask? (Even though I told you not to ask questions.) They are bullshit. Bull. Shit. What is the first trial? Pffft, an archery competition? Then there is “climb the castle wall”. Then we don't even see the sneaky one and tracking, because who gives a shit? Show me more of Celaena being a bitch because she is not invited to the ball. The boys fawning over her. Celaena judging this other girl based on her dress and because she dareth being pretty in the vicinity of the prince and is even interested in him. (That is strong from a literal assassin, which means murderer in my country.)

But hey, Celery gets a new BFF, who is a PRINCESS, who is also super rebel and rude as fuck. Together they can judge the shit out of everyone else while they frown through the country of Arlanda.

This book is absolutely awful. The worst I've attempted to read this year so far.