nhi

let's be real here. the truong/vo family is the average viet family lol. if there is anything aimee pham did right it was almost tricking me into thinking i was reading a story about my family, or my friend's family. not only because of the experiences (that was definitely 60% though...) but also because the characters feel so real and alive.

i think this novel spread itself a little thin...not really sure what it is trying to say. it was wonderful, though. i only wish that it had wrapped up these stories more tightly. i liked sanh a lot and i wish we had learned more about him and his relationship with cherry. i also wanted to learn more about xuan and cam, the children raised in france. hmm. it starts off as a familial story but wraps up mostly on lum's arc which kinda feels empty. towards the late middle and end, all of the things the reader is supposed to infer are explicitly written in the book, so it feels like the author is trying to find a way to end the book but isn't sure how.

i enjoyed aimee's writing in “we should never meet” significantly more. the story was contained and controlled, even though the storyline was very complex

reliving the same tragedy over and over but each time never feels the same—the pain manifests itself differently with each recollection. the repeating images—a gun on the table, a pharmacy of light, a chlorinated pool—it's as if he were taking a memory at different stages of grief and analyzing it over and over, trying to piece together the different angles, the inconsistencies, the open ends, trying to make sense of it all.

one drawback is not necessarily a flaw but a significant feature of the works; it feels...rather youthful? i say this as a kid in their early 20s but the intensity and the obsession with which siken writes, it feels like reading through the emotions of someone my age, how exaggerated and overblown it seems but only in hindsight. however since i am young i love it. i love and i relate to the total desperation of the pieces featured here.

whenever i revisit this collection i always find something new to love. i feel like i will never find anything that affects me as much as crush (though hieu minh nguyen's “not here” comes especially close).

my parents are southern vietnamese. the stories that i am fed as a child are biases against the north. if you're mien nam you know what they are. for a long time, even till now, it is hard for me to perceive northerners as the same as me, or my parents. though vietnam is united, i think that it's a far cry to say that the wounds between northern and southern vietnamese have really healed.

for me le minh khue's short stories give me a momentary view of what life is like in post war vietnam, especially for north vietnamese people. i like that some of her stories are quite simple, i like that some of them end abruptly, and of course i like those that are beautiful and tragic, and i like that others are somewhat mediocre. what i like most is that vietnam is the quiet, nonchalant background for her characters, who go about their day to day lives in the country. even in the stories of war (some of which dealt with the women who fought for the people's army, a criminally understated point of the war!), the main idea was not so much war-torn vietnam but the fragile relationships women forge with one another.

i love this short story compilation. i don't think one should go into this with some wild preconceptions—that each short story is going to convey some clear meaning, or even a clear ending—but for one who would like to learn more about vietnamese identity, women in post war vietnam, etc, this is a wonderful place to start.

i read this years ago, when i was still in high school i think. i'm not sure how i happened upon it. there's a line that always stayed with me, and it's the very famous “Just let me go, Mama, let me go easy.”

but it's such a hard story to revisit when you reach a part of your life when you know people who feel what jessie does towards her own life–or if you have ever been through the exact same emotions yourself and realized how much you lost because of that misery.

so for that reason, idk, i feel like these stories are even a little mean-spirited, even though i'm certain the authors did not mean them to be. it reminds me of this one horrible line in that horrible book that goes like, begging a suicidal person to live feels selfish after a certain threshold is met. and i just think now: but that's not the point! that's not the point at all.

hard to reconcile these feelings :(

edit 2 (04/24/2020): i would just like to say that this novel has completely ruined my life

edit: upon finishing, most of my emotions are the same.
i feel like the extras were a little disappointing (they sort of two-dimensionalize shen qiao and yan wushi's relationship) and preferred leaving off at the end of the novel rather than at the end of the extras. some of the extras were really good though–there was a short passage of yan wushi's thoughts during chapter 45 that made me so angry i almost cried (lol) and two others where shen qiao is briefly reunited with his shizun. the others were all right. i'm not incredibly on board with the two of them as a romantic couple but as a weird, twisted soulmate thing...

original review:
i am currently on chapter 93 of this work and have a lot of things to say. first thing is that this rating is closer to a 4.5 than a 4 but i decided to round down because idk. i felt like it. things will inevitably change i think but i have a strong feeling that these emotions i'm putting down right now won't.

there aren't any huge plot spoilers so don't worry.

this is the first novel i've ever really powered through in Chinese (with my dictionary + baidu ha ha ha...). i read the translations that were available up to ch. 43 and though they were quite good and informational, the original beauty of the writing style was almost completely lost...i'd say maybe 20% of it showed through in english translations. and it's not the fault of the translator, it's just a really hard novel to translate.

as background, i've made attempts to read other danmeis, but i really disliked the style of writing + the tastelessness that specific genre often takes on. more on that later.

more and more do i realize that 千秋 has a lot of aspects about it that don't necessarily make it a very typical danmei (aka–makes it significantly better lol)...the writing style is one of the most telling qualities, as well as the rich historical background that lends another dimension to the pugilistic world depicted in this novel. the whole work has this melancholic tone that you can attribute to these two things.

it is one of the most turbulent periods of Chinese history, and meng xishi doesn't shy away from reminding readers. the common people are suffering, while their leaders are more concerned with their own politics to care. in between this is the pugilistic world, divided into numerous sects that support various leaders to further their own interests and only occasionally pay attention to commoners. our main character, shen qiao, comes from this world, as well as most of the cast.

shen qiao is a great mc, and incredibly likable. he is kind, gentle, charitable. his foil is yan wushi, who is the opposite–selfish, cruel, arrogant. 千秋 is a character-driven novel, so their interactions are especially interesting. i enjoy their banter most. shen qiao is straightforward and polite in his speech, while yan wushi is such a smartass lol...i've highlighted many of his lines just because they're so funny.

the novel is often summarized as shen qiao, who believes in human nature as being kind and good, challenging yan wushi's strong belief that human nature is evil and selfish. it sounds so kitschy at first, it does! but i'm often surprised by meng xishi's handling of what could easily be a hard-to-read cliche. for one she often reiterates that neither of them are right, but also that both characters continue to (at this point in the work and i assume to the end from what i have heard) retain their beliefs and only refine them somewhat with the introduction of the other party. yan wushi doesn't really let up on thinking that all people are evil and selfish, while shen qiao does not let the evil he experiences in the novel to change him. however, the two of them do learn from the other, and what they learn adds a new dimension to their life and their decisions, which is both rewarding and very realistic.

additionally neither of them are exactly...the epitome of goodness/evil. shen qiao is kind, but he is assertive and just; he isn't kind out of pity. yan wushi is selfish and doesn't care for others' well-being, but he isn't a sadist. he can be cruel (ch. 45 is where he is at his worst), though not for the sake of cruelty. this complexity makes 千秋 more interesting to read because sometimes it becomes more a character study than a novel, and i think that is great fun... meng xishi is consistent in her portrayal of both characters and even with a romantic subtext between them, neither characters' essence is lost. they both feel very real.

one other central theme of this work that i notice few people touch upon is the question of “fate”, and how many of the characters–especially shen qiao–make sense of the tragedies they experience as a part of a whole. i know stories that encourage battling fate and destiny are quite popular. i can't help but feel that 千秋 is not necessarily one of them. instead, the novel seems to focus on what we gain in our losses, who we become as a result of our mistakes and misfortunes, and the significance of these tragedies in shaping ourselves...that is not to say that tragedy is necessary, but, in madeleine thien's general words, if we could draw a straight line from a point in our past to our present location, it would be dishonest, because it would ignore all of the turns and detours that we took. i really love this theme and find that it resonates with me.

i can't help but emphasize the literary quality of the (raw) edition of this novel as well. many reviews on douban also reinforce this, often saying this comes close to “real” writing (lots to unpack there lol). there are many references to medieval poetry of that period, many passages with powerful diction + vivid imagery with very few words. lots and lots of 成語, lots of rhythm. it's very fun and educational to read. it is quite plot-heavy though, and deals quite a lot with martial arts. though as someone who knows very little, i found it accessible and not a significant drawback, though some reviewers say it's a bit of a drag, which i can understand.

of course there are drawbacks, and many of them are a result of the danmei genre/audience. was the forceful kiss between yan wushi and shen qiao necessary? why are there so many passages that describe various characters' desires (mutipo, sang jingxing, and to a lesser extent yan wushi) to “ruin” and “dirty” shen qiao, the latter who is often described as pure? these moments are uncommon and incredibly sparse, but when they appear it sort of takes you out of the entire experience. i am interested in this genre (danmei) because i want to read more historical Chinese works with lgbt relationships, but since many are written by straight women who often fetishize these relationships, they come up quite short in a variety of ways and to see 千秋 fall into this same pit–though significantly less so–is very sad, and would be the only reason why i do not rank this novel a 5/5.

in any case, i love this work very much, and i'm excited to see what my thoughts are upon finishing it.

“without love, it can't be seen.”

i don't think there is a current literary work that can compare to umineko, except for maybe house of leaves. isn't that weird?? umineko, a manga/sound novel, weaving such a complex (the number of characters and the depths of their backgrounds, the meta-world, the interactive nature in which the mysteries are laid out, how it begs for the reader to solve them instead of waiting to receive a the answer) and multi-layered (“I am one but many.” not to mention the different lenses in which you can view the episodes of umineko—alternate realities, novels, a romance story, a metaphysical search through ones lost memories) narrative.

one drawback of umineko is of course the anime tropes—girls outfits that don't make sense, battler's weird pervert comments in the beginning. but if you push past the first episode and let everything work its way, at the very least you will walk away knowing you've read something meticulously written that you'll most likely not see again for a long, long time.

I'd even argue that in the end, the protagonist wasn't really battler at all.

“who am i?”

a lonely child, trapping infinity in a closed room.

“ashes to ashes, dust to dust. illusions to illusions.
and dreams to dreams.”

there were several times i wanted to just...close this book, put it out of my mind, forget i ever read it, because it was just too much. the sorrow, the unresolved grief. speaking of grief here are some lines from one of my favorites:

Colonial-era Japanese historians were sure
the white pottery and clothes of Korea show perpetual
sorrow. Poverty of color, incapacity for pleasure–
countless foreign invasions turned the people blank
and hollow, cursed to eternal mourning.

my younger brother said he only liked this book, that he didn't love it. i asked why, and he said: i think diana wynne jones could've done it better. i can't help but agree.

there are pockets of loveliness throughout: i love the image of the gossamer line, the idea of magical train stations. i think this book is filled with strong and beautiful images, because i could envision all of the magical images in it extremely well. morrigan is an extremely down-to-earth character, believable and sweet and a little bit insecure. it's also a funny, witty book and the wittiness is very well placed.

it's a little too arbitrary in other places. ie: each of these children has a “knack”, an ability of some kind, ranging from supernatural to superhuman, but there's not really an explanation for it—makes the worldbuilding seem a little too random, somehow? i thought that it'd have something to do with wonder, and maybe it does, but i wasn't able to tell from the first book alone.

the antagonistic characters were very boring. the most interesting one goes and has their big evil villain speech and it made them a lot less interesting in my eyes. the speech is also meant to clarify what their big evil motives are, but only made me a lot more confused, and also unintimidated by them. people like morrigan's father corvus and her stepmother were supposed to be antagonistic in a way too, but come off comically evil rather than actually bad. same for noelle and baz.

but this wasn't boring! and the book held my attention very well while i had the audiobook on during work or at the gym. it's a light and easy enough read for sure. but i wish it could be a little darker, or realer—i KNOW it's a kid's book, but there are some parts where townsend seemed extremely interested in those darker and realer conversations, like the erasure of history, or the brief discussion of illegal immigration...i would like to see her embrace those concepts more, because they did not only interest me, but my younger brother! kids like having hard conversations!

finished this on audible. LOVED kino. cats, jazz, sad men, cool sorta gangster side character, and above all, hubris. i jam w that. but GIRL that last story. gettin horny over elevator music. i was laughin a lot more than i should have. also i'm 1000% sure ppl just read murakami for the vibes bc i don't know what else is there to this guy

that last story about Evie...what the fuck....anyway seeing hall write about something that wasn't unhappy middle aged women was pretty interesting but I still enjoyed the beautiful indifference more. I'm not sure why. it's weird that this book was definitely more adventurous than the beautiful indifference but besides the first and last stories (Mrs. fox, Evie) none were particularly memorable.