A Little Life

Rating: 3.13 leaves out of 5-Characters: 3.5/5 -Cover: 4/5-Story: 3/5-Writing: 2/5Genre: Fiction/Contemporary/LGBTType: BookWorth?: YesTrigger Warnings: Rape, Abuse, Child Abuse, Grooming, Sexual Assault, Self-Harm, Suicide, Ableism, Pedophilia, RacismHated Disliked It Was Okay Liked Loved FavoritedHow do you rate trauma? You simply don't, but you can rate it based on how it is written. I am going to get a basic rating and review done before going below and doing one with spoilers. What I liked about this book, something that will probably stick with me for many years, is how awful humans can be towards each other. The list of trigger warnings is unbelievably long. To actually get through it was rough. I expected more crying out of this book but I found myself just straight up angry. I cried twice while reading and about 5-10 minutes after everything hit me all at once and I cried. Literally cried myself to sleep.So why such a low rating? I blame that one on Hanya. The way the story was written was almost unbearable. YOU, reader, had to search who the hell was talking at the time. You have to figure out what timeline you are in and randomly you will be switched from 3rd person to 1st and lets add a little 2nd person in the mix. It was just a headache.Another reason for such a low rating was really because the length of the book wasn't needed. You can tell (because I tabbed) where I just lost interest. I could careless, in a way, to be bothered to stop and highlight and tab. There were a lot of USELESS information and lot of the time things were dreadfully dragged out. Honestly, I almost DNFed the book because of how god awful boringly long and annoying the read was. I was literally at a point where I wanted to set the book on fire and be done with it. And the summary of the book? Makes you honestly think the book is about one thing but it isn't.That being said, the fact that I had such an emotional response to the book saved the book from being a 1 or 2 star. A lot of the characters are unlikable, even the ones you are suppose to like(I believe?). With that being said, I will contain spoilers down below.SPOILER REVIEW!...........It can be a tricky write when it comes to such a heavy topic. You want to express the dire hurt and numbness of the situation while also not being too overbearing. From the beginning I loved Jude. Jude was someone you would have gone to jail for. Willem, kind of the same but it was the kind of man who had no backbone, for the most part. JB? I honestly hated him for majority of the book and the 2nd half he kind of redeemed himself but I wouldn't call him a friend still. Malcolm... ahhh he was as forgettable as they come. I honestly had forgotten him by the end of the book which was sad because he dies at the end as well. To be more in depth I will start with each character and speak about them.Malcolm: I felt bad for the guy who blends into the background. It was clear he didn't know who he was, even towards the end. In the beginning of the book he is trying to figure out who he is, where he stands in society, and if he is sexually attracted to anyone at all. I didn't get a clear image of him. He supposidly liked Willem and then... came out only to end up marrying a woman? And nothing is ever clear on what exactly happened to him except for he married a woman and both died with Willem in a car accident. For how the book was described I was disappointed that he was fleshed out more. Hanya got lazy with him and it showed big time. For how big the book was you'd expect him to have his character come to a final conclusion but I guess she wanted us to be as confused as he was about himself, maybe I am giving her too much credit.JB: By god did I want to trip him down the stairs for most of the book. I thought he, besides the rapist and pedos, would be the most hated in the book but I was so damn wrong. So very very wrong. I ended up feeling bad for him towards the end of the book. He was made into the man he was no thanks to his parents. It isn't an excuse for him being racist and at times misgendering people. He didn't care who he hurt as long as he got what he wanted. When it came to JB he seemed an extra kind of hurtful but he made a very good point and called out Jude when he needed to but he did it in a way that made me cringe so hard. Making fun of someone's disabilities isn't funny and he knew in the end, once sober, that it was a major mistake. JB had a way of being an ableist and racist, but I believe he changed in the end.Harold This man is a good man and I wish I could have had him as a father. He adored Jude and adopting him was the sweetest thing. Was so pissed at Jude for how he treated him. Andy: I adored him and I am glad he called Jude out on his bullshit. Willem Boy oh boy where do I start with him. I really liked him at first, I mean I still did even at the end, and I still did but maybe a little towards the end. Willem was the sweet actor who seemed more like a brother than anything. He never took relationships seriously and after 20+ years of being friends with Jude, which we all realized way earlier, that he was in love with the man. I felt bad because honestly I would have dropped Jude, or not been so close to him, YEARS ago. To be in Willem's shoes and try your hardest with a man who rather sit in his own shit... was hard. In the end though Willem died in a car accident and I cried so hard. Not for Jude nor for Willem's actual death, but because he got to meet his brother in the afterlife and... it stabbed my heart. Jude Now to him. I felt bad for him growing up. Living in a monastery that I am sure was freaking Catholics. I cannot explain the hate I have for them, but anyway. He is there with some pedos and ends up being groomed by one just to be taken and used as a prostitute. After the man is caught he is brought to a home where he is then raped more by counselors. He escapes and uses sex as a way to get to Boston when he gets taken by a Dr. Taylor in Philadelphia when he got sick. Dr. Taylor rapes him till he gets tired of Jude and then has him running for his life before being ran over. I don't know the statistics of... something like this basically happening back to back but by god was it a fucking mental ride to get through. I felt so damn bad. Then we speak up to him in his 30s and finally gets a boyfriend who is an abusive fuck, named Caleb. I wished the worst death on this man (and all the others who hurt Jude.) I want to say it was unrealistic for things to happen back to back to back... but... I don't know for sure so I won't. As far as him being an adult... Jude frustrated me to the point where I didn't care too much about him or what he did in his life. He didn't want help and kept cutting even though he knew how much he was hurting the people he loved. I don't think a lot of people realized that Jude mentally was fucking up Willem. How can you help someone who doesn't want to be helped NOR wants to open up to him. I get that he was scared but the amount of years this man has been with him and Jude still treated him like a stranger in a way... it was... annoying as hell. Sometimes you just have to leave people like that and say what happens happens. No one's life should be someone else's responsibility if they can live life normally (or as normal as Jude is).