Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies

I was intrigued by this book and finally decided to pick it up at my local bookstore.

Then while reading the first chapter, I wasn't sure if this book choice was a good one. I'm not in my 20s, I'm married, and I have kids. How can I relate to this 20-something single woman who is having different problems than I am?

But after reading further, I realized this book was just the thing I needed, right at this moment in my life.

Tara Schuster not only opens up about her traumatic upbringing, but she does it in a way that not only recognizes her privilege in being able to change her life because of it.

So many people are unaware that while a traumatic life event has its own challenges, it's the time afterward that can be the most difficult.

I'm eight months into being post-treatment for breast cancer, and I've been feeling lost- an identity crisis of sorts, while mitigating a pandemic and kids in remote learning, and a business that is also in an identity crisis.

This book wasn't a magic wand that fixed everything. But it was a blueprint to how I could map out doing the work that will help me heal and find myself again.

I'm not afraid of hard work, and neither is Tara. I'm also the type of person where humor has to be present in my life as much as possible, and I'm so glad Tara made humor a central theme throughout this book.

Now I want a workbook based on this book, lol. The book helped me solidify the concept that it is not selfish to work on oneself, in fact, it just may save your life.

Do yourself a favour and just watch a few “that girl” tiktoks by some fifteen-year-old instead of reading this whole book.
No shade to teens but what I mean is this book doesn't get any deeper than that. It will save you time.

Also adding, the author is privileged as fuck.
“I have come to understand that travel is not a fancy luxury beyond my means. Travel is an important part of appreciating my life.”
But she also adds that it does not necessarily have to be a two week Tokyo trip like the one she spontaneously took! Just any kind of traveling you can take to escape daily life!
This book might have worsened my depression but.... it's not the worst.

Ooooooooo I absolutely loved this book. I have read a lot of works that are part of this ‘self-help' genre, but Tara's take on self-love and acceptance was completely different than those that I have read previously. She embraces the messy, chaotic, sticky, uncomfortable truly exasperating things about being an individual with lots of trauma and hardships to work through. Instead she writes about how hate is okay and how angst and absolute loathing of situations, people and yourself is an essential part of the process. I feel as though other authors just state “let go”, but HOW am I supposed to f*cking let go when I literally spent my whole teenage experience in heavy eyeliner and a bad attitude (the angst has not changed). I saw so much of myself in the stories that Tara told about her life and it made me feel seen, It's okay to be angry and feel shitty about your childhood, your lack of significant other, feeling behind, your career, your friendships, etc. But write that down, work through it. Tara gives a billion (literally so many) simple exercises/ways to combat or work through things that are so low stakes you have to be absolutely nuts not to try. I really wish that this came with a workbook though (I listened to the audiobook though) because there was just so much to absorb and so much good to hear. TARA, ARE YOU LISTENING???????????? You can credit K$ with the inspo via GoodReads. Also, like can we just be friends? I love you. Please do book signings so I can give you all the hugs and convince you to come have 3 drinks max with me at a local bar in western Mass. Love you love you love you and cannot wait to see what else you have up your sleeve! -K

5/5! This book helped me get through the most challenging period of my life and organize my thoughts. I realized that the author truly understands what it’s like to hit rock bottom because everything she described, her tricks, pulled me out of the darkness and gave me at least a bit of strength to start making changes. I am grateful to Tara for her work and invaluable experience; she has undoubtedly made a significant contribution to contemporary psychology.