Eliza and Her Monsters

500000/5 stars He had found her in a constellation.
Hey warning. There's spoilers. I forgot to mark them. Also I kinda get lost in thought with this review a bit so I kinda get off track but whatever. Thanks for reading and have a good day. Heart emoji and all that.

Do you know what? Let's just get personal here why don't we?

I was just shy of 19 years old when I read Eliza for the first time. I just finished my first year of college, where I had made a grand total of zero friends so far. I had decided to move into a new dorm room to see if I could get a fresh start. Make a friend. But the two girls that lived there already wanted nothing to do with me. I think part of it was because I didn't know how to talk to them because I have this little thing called social anxiety. I tried to make conversations, but I never know how to talk to people so the words I said didn't do any good. Those two girls had made it clear to me that they weren't going to be my friend, (because in all honesty, I do suck). Instead, I locked myself in my dorm room and read and read and read. I worked three days a week and talked to some people from Goodreads and that was about all the socialization that I had. College wasn't the best time of my life up until that point. (Don't worry though. It did get much better a few months later (right after the 3 year reading slump I'm still in started) when I got a new roommate who didn't care that I suck. We went to Disneyland and got matching tattoos. I went to her baby shower this weekend-she's doing great.)

So, when I read Eliza three years ago, it was one of the first times when I really saw myself in a character. Eliza was just a year younger than I was. Her friends and her life were online, just as mine had been. She was as passionate about her art as I was about writing book reviews (I wrote book reviews a lot back then). The way she described her thoughts and feelings reflected the same way I thought. Her thoughts would spiral just as mine always did. Her social anxiety reflected what mine was.

Then add in a plot and characters that I came to care a lot for in the 400 pages. I was proud of Eliza for the webcomic she created. My heart broke for Wallace when he wrote that email for his dad. I related to Emmy when she described how much she hated her teachers. Almost instantly, I was in love with this book. This book was a small beacon of hope to me that things change. Things get better even when it feels like everything sucked.

This book has always been filed away in my mind under “phenomenal read” I'm 21 now. It's been almost four years since I graduated from high school, which seems like so much longer than it really is. I used to read 100 books a year. For the past two and a half years, I've maybe read 30. And the past few years of my life, ever since I read Eliza, things have changed dramatically. Both for the good and the worst. That three-year slump hit. I moved back home from college. I took a break from schooling. I started working full time at a car dealership. My childhood dog died. My dad died. I got a niece (who's watching me type this and is really trying to either help me write this or eat my laptop. Who knows?). I started school again. And, most importantly, I finally get to see my one true love, Harry Styles, in concert in 133 days.

I mentioned this because, when I randomly picked up Eliza again yesterday, I was worried that I wouldn't love it as much. My social anxiety isn't as bad lately as it has been in the past. I am at a different state of life than Eliza was at this point. Maybe I won't relate to her as much as I used to? What if that is the reason why I loved this book so much and all that is gone?

But the answer is no. I still found myself in Eliza's thoughts. I loved following her to school and her home life and seeing the world through her eyes I loved getting to know more about her webcomic and how much she loved it. I love watching her slowly open up to someone new. I saw myself in Eliza in a way that I've never see myself. While I read, I didn't feel as alone as I still feel sometimes when I don't know how to talk to someone or why I keep thinking about the worst-case scenario even though nothing bad even happened.

I love the writing. I love the plot. I just love this book.

And even this time around, I've connected to other characters that I didn't really connect to the first time around. After the death of my own dad, I understand Wallace's desire to not speak. Being slightly older than 19, I understand her parents desire a little more than I did when I first read this. I get why they want her to open up a bit more. They care.

Eliza and Her Monsters is one of those books that reminds me why I love books so much. It reminds me of what I've been missing lately when I don't read. I posted when I started this book that I just needed quality content in my life and I meant it. I needed something that I knew would make me happy.

In conclusion, book is good. A good representation of mental health imho. Eliza is great. Wallace is great. Must read.

Anyways, sorry about getting a bit personal. I know you don't really care. Sorry this review isn't very detailed about the book either. Also, sorry there's no gifs. I couldn't find ones to fit. Thanks for reading. Byeeee.

I learned years ago that it's okay to do this. To seek out small spaces for myself, to stop and imagine myself alone. People are too much sometimes. Friends, acquaintances, enemies, strangers. It doesn't matter; they all crowd. Even if they're all the way across the room, they crowd. I take a moment of silence and think: I am here. I am okay.

— An exploration of internet/fandom culture and social anxiety, of how we find solace in the internet. SO DAMN RELATABLE. THIS BOOK JUST GETS IT.