Emperor Mollusk versus the Sinister Brain

ORIGINALLY POSTED AT Fantasy Literature.

Everyone knows that that the invertebrates of Neptune are the most intelligent minds in the galaxy. That???s how, years ago, a bored mollusk from Neptune was able to conquer the Earth and set himself up as Warlord. To subdue the planet he had to use a few nasty tricks such as doping the water supply with anti-aggression drugs, but now that he has all of humanity under his tentacle, Emperor Mollusk is actually a pretty swell guy and he has even developed a soft spot (or should I say ???softer spot???) for planet Earth, though he???ll be quick to tell you that he???s not reformed ??? just retired. Nowadays, he spends most of his time tinkering in his laboratory and coming up with ways to solve Earth???s numerous problems. He fixed the energy crisis long ago and so far he???s been able to protect Earth from aliens from Mars, Venus, and Saturn. Pretty good for a slimy cephalopod that you could easily squash under the heel of your boot.

Unfortunately, most of Emperor Mollusk???s experiments on Earth tend to cause unexpected and dastardly consequences, and the emperor usually ends up needing to develop even more brilliant solutions to the problems he created. Emperor Mollusk Versus the Sinister Brain is an account of the Emperor???s various adventures as he attempts to save humans from all the disasters that would not have befallen them if the Emperor had never set his slippery tentacle on the planet in the first place. Disasters such as an island of radioactive dinosaurs, giant fireants, missing countries, an anti-time radio, and the rampaging brain of Madam Curie. He even has to deal with assassins from Atlantis, killer scorpions, a clone of himself, and the sinister brain who wants to challenge him for world domination.

Emperor Mollusk Versus the Sinister Brain, A. Lee Martinez???s newest novel, is a hilariously wacky story with a preposterous premise, impossible characters, and an absurd plot. I???m rather picky about humorous fantasy so I???m surprised that I enjoyed the non-stop comedy here, but Martinez has his pacing down and he knows exactly when to stop. I like Martinez???s bizarre situations and droll sense of humor, and he balances all of it with a well-developed protagonist who we can???t help but love, even though he???s slimy (literally) and he keeps telling us he???s an evil overlord.

Fans of Douglas Adams??? THE HITCHHIKER???S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY shouldn???t miss Emperor Mollusk Versus the Sinister Brain. Let me highly recommend the audio version produced by Audible Frontiers and performed by actor Scott Aiello. This was the first time I???d heard Mr. Aiello (he is a new narrator) and I was extremely impressed with his performance ??? he made the novel even funnier. He was absolutely perfect for this role and I look forward to hearing more from him in the future.

With the title and the cover art you know what you're in for: a humorous jab at science fiction, or something imitating old campy B-movies.

The story moves fast, all action and wise-cracking dialogue. In Martinez's version of the galaxy, our solar system is filled with sentient aliens from Neptune, Mars, Venus, Jupiter and so on. The title character is an “evil genius” from Neptune who has conquered Terra (Earth, kinda sorta) via a mind control device.

The plot is structured with Emperor Mollusk acting as a tour guide for a Venusian called Zala, a character whose goal is to protect the Emperor from his unknown assassin and then arrest him for crimes against her people. This gives the Emperor a chance to show her, and therefore the reader, the various civilizations on and around Terra, which he has taken over, and get into various scrapes before confronting his final nemesis. They face monstrous creatures and other sinister beings that the Emperor has pissed off over the years.

The novel is episodic, as though it were originally published as a serialized story in a science fiction magazine. I don't think it was the case, so I assume it was done deliberately to invoke older pulp and fantasy writers.

Martinez attempts to get us to like the Emperor by showing us his guilt (and boredom) over how easily he dominated the Terrans, not to mention his endless cleverness. We don't see him gradually learn this, he's already in this mental state when the story begins. It might have been more interesting to see his humility grow with the story.

The “great hilarity” promised by the cover never occurred. There's some mildly amusing dialogue that invoked an occasional snicker. Each little adventure the Emperor and Zala get into is pretty easily solved by the Emperor, which doesn't make for much tension. Seeing a character who always knows what's going to happen or has some trick hidden up his sleeve that undoes every conflict is tedious.

When we get to the final episode, the reason for the Emperor's omniscience (other than his vast genius of course) becomes clearer. I got the joke but it wasn't enough of a surprise to really astonish or impress. Cute, but I was hoping for something original that transcends the material it is imitating.

“We have to destroy the radioactive brain of Madame Curie.” When I read this line in the book I thought for a moment that the author had gone too far down the slippery slope of absurdity. But, then, I realized that he'd done that in the first chapter.

This book is a great lot of fun. It's old school pulp done with flair and intelligence - and, it's a great read.