Glory Road

Robert A. Heinlein is best known for his science fiction, of course, but he did write some fantasy, too. Glory Road is a science fantasy story which was originally serialized in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction in 1963 and published as a novel later that year. Glory Road was nominated for, but did not win, a Hugo Award for Best Novel.

Evelyn Cyril Gordon, known by his army buddies as ???Scar,??? has finally been sent home from Southeast Asia after too many tours of duty. After wandering aimlessly for a while, hoping the G.I. bill will cover some educational expenses, and lamenting about taxes (a favorite theme of Heinlein???s) he reads a personal advertisement in a newspaper:

ARE YOU A COWARD? This is not for you. We badly need a brave man. He must be 23 to 25 years old, in perfect health, at least six feet tall, weigh about 190 pounds, fluent English, with some French, proficient in all weapons, some knowledge of engineering and mathematics essential, willing to travel, no family or emotional ties, indomitably courageous and handsome of face and figure. Permanent employment, very high pay, glorious adventure, great danger.

Except for the coward part, it fits him perfectly and, therefore, makes him curious. When he answers the ad, he meets a beautiful woman who calls herself Star and decides to call him Oscar. Then he sets out on a grand adventure and becomes a hero.

Up until Oscar answered the ad, I was enjoying his story, but as soon as Glory Road turned into a fantasy novel, it spiraled downward fast. Oscar has been hired by Star, who turns out to be the empress of the universe, to help her recover the Egg of the Phoenix. There???s a sidekick named Rufo, and together they fight monsters and complete the tasks needed to get the Egg. All the while, Star simpers and calls Oscar ???my hero??? and all the other women he meets (including a mother and her two young daughters) try to get him into bed (at the same time). Meanwhile, there is much commentary about Star???s perky breasts, how she needs to be spanked (even though she???s the empress of the universe), and other titillating nonsense. Not only is this section of the novel silly and trite and an embarrassing exhibition of Heinlein???s fetishes, but it???s actually boring, too.

After the quest is over, Oscar and Star are in love. (Why? Because she???s beautiful and he???s strong.) It???s not all happily ever after, though, because Oscar discovers that being a retired hero is not good for a man???s morale. I actually really liked some of this part of the story in which Heinlein muses on the importance of meaningful work for a man. He also displays his love for classic literature, making mention of the works of Edgar Rice Burroughs, James Branch Cabell, Arthur Conan Doyle, Mark Twain, Talbot Mundy, and others. Unfortunately, he also decides to bring in some of his views on politics and sexual relationships, and the whole section goes on far too long.

I listened to Blackstone Audio???s recent production of Glory Road which was narrated by actor Bronson Pinchot. I have greatly enjoyed Mr. Pinchot???s performances in the past, but this was not one of my favorites. Most of the problem is the novel of course ??? for example, Heinlein has Star simpering, so Pinchot simpers when he reads those lines. I couldn???t stand it, but that was how it was written. I also didn???t like the French accent he used for Rufo because it was sometimes hard to understand, and I was annoyed at the way he drew out the words ???She??? and ???Her??? into three-syllable words when Rufo spoke of Star. Notably, the parts of his performance that I didn???t like were also the parts of the story that I didn???t like. Pinchot???s interpretation of Glory Road was probably accurate and my disappointment probably reflects my distaste for the novel.

I feel the need to mention that many of Heinlein???s fans love Glory Road, and it was nominated for a Hugo Award. This is one of those cases where it probably comes down to personal taste. I liked the first and last third of Glory Road, but absolutely hated the middle section. I imagine that many readers will feel differently. If you???re a Heinlein fan, and especially if you like his later work, you should give Glory Road a try.

I'm revising my rating of this. For some reason when I first added it I was using particularly rosy eyewear.

I like Heinlein. I do. I just think I like his ideas better than his writing - the only Heinlein I've enjoyed all the way through were his more young-adult books, like Podkayne or Have Spacesuit Will Travel.

Glory Road is a frustrating read. All his characters are perfect, or perfectly bad. You can guarantee that if someone walks onto the page and they're not perfect, then within five minutes you'll discover that they are, actually, perfect. It was just hidden by your prejudice about them being, say, a beautiful woman, who must be ditzy. But no! Turns out she's a superhuman genius too. This is fine given the time in which a lot of his books were written, but he doesn't half harp on about it. The same scenario plays out dozens of times. We get it. We don't need it.

The story is wish-fulfilment fantasy, barely disguised as SF, with wasted chapters on issues irrelevant to the plot which might have served as character development if the characters had anything to develop.

This book fits in well with things like Stranger in a Strange Land and Number of the Beast as being far too long, and far too boring. This time round, I didn't make it all the way through.