H is for Hawk

Sometimes a book finds you, rather than the other way around. H for Hawk was a book I'd been aware of for a while. It seemed to be a cross between misery memoir and a potted biography of TH White, author of The Once and Future King. Which sounded a bit odd. It won prizes, garnered acclaim. But still I held off. Having some Christmas money left, I bought it on a whim. I'm glad I did.

H for Hawk is an astonishing book. Helen Macdonald, lecturer and experienced falconer, recounts a tale of loss and grief in the aftermath of the sudden death of her father. Knocked sideways she decides to buy and train a Goshawk, a notoriously difficult hawk to train, and channels all her hurt, loss and despair into this complex relationship.

At the same time this book is a short biography of the troubled TH White, who also trained, or tried to train, a Goshawk, back in the 1930s after his time teaching at the public school Stowe. White was a troubled man and his methods were suspect, but he learned as he went. That he sabotaged his own efforts at every turn was part of his character. Macdonald's research into this man parallels her own struggles with her hawk, Mabel.

But it's Macdonald's journey from loss and grief to acceptance and healing that is the real story here. Her relationship with the hawk is brilliantly chronicled. The hawk becomes her world and the bond she forms with it eventually helps her come to terms with the death of her father.

It is superbly written and at times deeply moving. Reading this makes me want to take up falconry and reread The Once and Future King!

Just before Christmas I lost my mother so perhaps that colours my judgement, perhaps not. But I'd urge anyone who has experienced loss to read this book. It is one of the best thing I have ever read.

DNF at 25%.

This book is like a college paper. You have to write a certain number of pages but don't have enough material. You start to add unnecessary words just to make your page count. You ramble. You pull in random unrelated topics. You add fancy words to make it sound impressive.

That is this book. “I love gosshawks. Gosshawks** are beautiful. Gosshawks love to soar. They are hard to train. I collect books on gosshawks. T.H. White wrote a book on gosshawks. He was a sad confused man. Here's his whole life story. I'm including all of that to make my page count. He didn't know what he was doing with a hawk. I love gosshawks.... “ you get the point.

Yes, I see it's the author's way of coping over the loss of her father. I hope writing the book helped her get through it. Maybe she pulled herself free by the end of the book. This was just not the book for me.

** I listened to the audiobook version, so I'm uncertain of the true spelling of gosshawk. The audiobook narrator did a wonderful job. It was only due to her reading that I made it as far as I did.

I found Helen's writing style to be beautiful and loved hearing about the journey of grieving she went on while raising this Hawk. I found the described moments of grief to be deeply relatable for me and moving. And even cried at the very beginning of this book.

What really knocked down the enjoyment of this book for me was all the parts about White. Honestly I found all that talk about his books and how badly he raised his Hawk to be pretty boring and weird. Especially all that talk about his tortured life and repressed sexual feelings. I'm not really sure what that had to do with the authors personal story of grief or of raising a goshawk. I had to fight myself to keep from skipping his parts every time they came up.