Never Have Your Dog Stuffed: And Other Things I've Learned
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He’s one of America’s most recognizable and acclaimed actors–a star on Broadway, an Oscar nominee for The Aviator, and the only person to ever win Emmys for acting, writing, and directing, during his eleven years on M*A*S*H. Now Alan Alda has written a memoir as elegant, funny, and affecting as his greatest performances. “My mother didn’t try to stab my father until I was six,” begins Alda’s irresistible story. The son of a popular actor and a loving but mentally ill mother, he spent his early childhood backstage in the erotic and comic world of burlesque and went on, after early struggles, to achieve extraordinary success in his profession. Yet Never Have Your Dog Stuffed is not a memoir of show-business ups and downs. It is a moving and funny story of a boy growing into a man who then realizes he has only just begun to grow. It is the story of turning points in Alda’s life, events that would make him what he is–if only he could survive them. From the moment as a boy when his dead dog is returned from the taxidermist’s shop with a hideous expression on his face, and he learns that death can’t be undone, to the decades-long effort to find compassion for the mother he lived with but never knew, to his acceptance of his father, both personally and professionally, Alda learns the hard way that change, uncertainty, and transformation are what life is made of, and true happiness is found in embracing them. Never Have Your Dog Stuffed, filled with curiosity about nature, good humor, and honesty, is the crowning achievement of an actor, author, and director, but surprisingly, it is the story of a life more filled with turbulence and laughter than any Alda has ever played on the stage or screen.
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It's described on the cover as 'a memoir as elegant, funny and affecting as his greatest performances', which I think is a very unsatisfactory way of putting it. In fact, the way the words 'funny' or 'laughing' have been shoehorned into all three of the blurbs/writeups of this book does it a notable disservice. David Mamet - author of Glengarry Glen Ross and Briane Greene (The Elegant Universe) both really ought to have done better.
The book is factual, unsentimental, achingly honest and affecting, but funny? No. He isn't trying to be funny here, and while he has wit and a telling turn of phrase, there are only a few lines in the book to make you laugh or smile. I am sure he is much funnier in person, but his style seems to be mostly wisecracks and one-liners. They don't have much place in this book, so they're (rightly) absent. However, this gives space for his slightly poignant view of the world to show through, and this is a more than worthwhile exchange. To be honest, given the life he has lived, I think poignant or wry is exactly the right view to take.
I think the thing I found most striking about this memoir is his light touch when dealing with some very sad topics - his mother was mentally ill and this, of course, profoundly coloured his childhood. He writes with gentle dispassion about the way he tried to deduce the rules of his mother's insanity, and how attempting to apply these rules logically led him to some very odd conclusions indeed. It is this exact same light touch that was evident in the M*A*S*H episodes he wrote, and doubtless his other works too. There's no doubt that he's worth of all his Emmys - for acting, writing, and directing.
Given how sad his life could have been, I could not help but feel glad for him how well he has succeeded. His wife Arlene is obviously a great blessing, and it is also touching that after many years he eventually manages to come to acceptance with his father. He even grows to understand his mother, something which also takes many years and much of his considerable insight and intelligence.
In conclusion, do not read this book expecting to laugh out loud every page, or even just once a chapter. Do read this book if you want a touching life story of a very talented and intelligent actor. Although of course the best piece of advice in the entire book is prominently displayed on the front cover, thereby allowing lazier readers much of the benefit of Alan Alda's wisdom at the minimum possible effort. :-) (Well, I have to put one joke in - this is Alan Alda here, and I don't want to leave the impression that the book is completely unfunny. The important point is that like Alda's other writing, it's not trying to be funny - so when the funny bits do happen, they're right and fitting, not forced.)
