On the Day I Died: Stories from the Grave

Mike - 2/5

The first story follows Mike Kowalski - presumably no relation to the former Beach Boys drummer - and his time in the cemetery. It sets up the premise for the ghost stories, while itself also being a ghost story. The kind, mind you, that is telegraphed from ten miles away and extremely obvious from the moment said ghost appears as a character.

While I like the concept, I found the execution lacking. Mike spends way too much time with ‘a voice in his head' that makes him seem mentally ill despite seemingly just being his inner thoughts. He's also dumb as sin - ignores his mother's worried calls instead of sending her a message or answering and even just lying that his car broke down or somesuch when he drives to the cemetery. The whole thing with the shoes doesn't make much sense, either, unless ghosts can just manifest objects into reality on a whim. And if they can do that, then they could just manifest a whole book full of their stories instead of harassing random teens who drive by their territory.

Gina - 3/5

A pathological liar insists she ‘only told stories' despite having reached the point of “The Beatles gave me a record player for Christmas with a handwritten note from Ringo attached” and pretending the popular jock she barely crossed paths with flirted with her. She gives a sob story about it being a coping mechanism, then tells her death story.

Did you guess it's a “girl who cried wolf” scenario? Let's be honest: it's obvious. But for the obvious theme, this tale makes a tangled braid of the expected tropes and ends in a way I didn't see coming. I was surprised how much I liked a story with such an obnoxious main character.

Johnnie - 3/5

Look, I'll always be a sucker for the way characters from the 1920s and 1930s speak, so it would've taken a lot to make me dislike Johnnie. No, I quite enjoyed his tale - especially the part where an abusive jerk gets comeuppance. But the ending left me feeling a bit annoyed, and I can't help feeling weird about the ‘magic' element.

Scott - 1/5

A “big-gutted” man is referred to constantly as Gut Guy and a young woman is referred to as being so skinny she “could stand to eat a few donuts.” I suppose I should be glad the author and/or character (it's hard to decide, since the writing is in first person POV) is an equal opportunity jackass... but I'm not. How about we stop putting body shaming bullshit in literature aimed at kids?

Scott is an arrogant jerk, so frankly the best part of his tale is when he dies. It's kind of a boring story, too.

David - 1/5

A dog and a cat (and some people, but I have my priorities in fiction okay) die because a child is too ignorant to follow directions. That is my takeaway from this one, though it's merely an inconsequential portion of the story. I hated David's little sister, Toni, who was basically the child version of a “too stupid to live” character.

Too ridiculous to be scary, this reads like one of the less entertaining Goosebumps books - the ones you'd check out at the library and be bored of by the halfway mark and wish you'd picked a different installment instead. There are far too many faux/parody brand names and even the action scenes are boring. This also isn't a paranormal story, and that irks me.

There's a level of suspended disbelief for paranormal stories, which this book had been until now. But adding something akin to the lovechild of the blob and a gremlin? And it happened as recently as 1958 in the same town where Mike lives? No. Suspension of disbelief: impossible.

Evelyn - 1/5

A man is described as chubby and “resembling a walrus”... by a character who has spent her entire life feeling the impact of being taunted and deemed less of a person for her appearance. Said man speaks of an “obese governor who lived only for his next meal.” It's here where I began to suspect the body shaming and disdain toward ‘fat' people came not from the characters but rather the author, and that's a major problem for me - especially in a book aimed at impressionable, young folk.

That aside, this tale was nothing noteworthy. Blah, blah, deal with devil. Blah, scary mirror. Blah, unpleasant and potentially racist caricature of a Middle Eastern man for mystic magician wooooooooo purposes. I was so bored that I started dozing off when reading it.

Lily - 1/5

You could say I???d gorged myself on Shakespeare (which is way better than gorging yourself on a bag of Milky Way miniatures)

children

an apple for lunch

glisters

Rich

???[...]We could have gotten our friggin??? butts flattened back there,??? I told him, although friggin??? and butt weren???t exactly the words I used.

Edgar

say goodbye when he's sent away

Tracy

The sow pushed open the screen door with her dough-fat hand, and a smell like dirty scalp escaped from the house. I wasn???t surprised.

The social worker standing next to me tried to peer past the sow???s fleshy bulk into the house.

She straightened her beefy shoulders, tried to push out her sagging-to-the-waist boobs.

out

Those quotes appeared all within the first two pages.

Ending

???See ya, schmuck,??? Johnnie called out.???But not too soon,??? Gina hastily added.

Author's Notes

I simply knew that the story was a spine-tingling mixture of maniacal Gypsy, magical object and mangled corpse rising from the grave. Scary, good fun!

Overall

consider