Sex God

I'm done. I'm so done. I went into reading ‘Love Wins' excited, hoping for some cool ideas. I thought it was limp. Shallow. So what do I do? I decide to look into what he has to say about sex.

Oh for. GAH. I need to STOP doing this to myself, but I have one more aggravating book waiting for me at the library.

I wish for five seconds he would stop pretending to be all hip and trendy. He's like a freakin' conservative in sheep's clothing. ‘OHHH, I'm gonna be all DARING and say the word SEX in the title, so I look all cool and edgy!'

Screw that. Stop pretending to be something you aren't, dude. And this one is STILL shallow and vague, as far as I'm concerned. But anyway...

Where to even start? I mean, his writing style. It makes me want to rip my eyeballs out. It's terrible. It's literary torture. Still reading like he's delivering a sermon. If I wanted a modern sermon, I would go to church. But I would go to a church where the pastor might actually KNOW about real life. Mr Bell, well, he seems to know some Greek and Hebrew, like a good little pastoral student. He can use his knowledge to interpret things, fine.

But when he talks about actuality? Real people? Addiction? HAH!

So, uh. Let's see. To start, he doesn't seem to have any real understanding of addictions. Smoking is all about the feel of the paper, the opening of a new pack. It's actually from my experience more about stress and reward, and feeling like you need some sweet, sweet nicotine to chill out after work.

And food? Of COURSE, his over-eater eating disorder example is a WOMAN, even though rates of eating disorders with men are growing. And its about her CONTEMPT for food? No, again, it's about stress and reward. And the fact that she has a psychological disorder, you twit. It's more like contempt for self and appreciate for food because it helps her deal with things. Fat shaming, yayz!

Alcoholics feel contempt for booze and don't care about taste? That isn't true either. Plenty of alcoholics LOVE the taste and get the good stuff. Because, y'know, RICH PEOPLE can have that problem too, y'know? And Ms. JoCo Housewife probably isn't gonna be swallowing Bellows vodka or Wild Irish Rose in a paper bag. It'll be Bombay Sapphire in her gin and tonic. For instance. Oh, yeah, and sometimes, it runs in families, dude.

Shopping is fun too, fella. It's not about the hangers and tags. It's about stress, reward, or even FUN. HOLY CRAP! Or the satisfaction of finding that book that you'd sought for simply AGES is now on sale, and you can walk out happily with it and read it and see it's beauty on your shelves. (By the bye, the DESIGN of the cover is the only good thing about this book. This time, Bell doesn't get ANY free passes for any little tidbits of information he gives, because I could find them elsewhere if I were so motivated.)

And then we have a complete and total lack of understanding about kink. Depression and contempt lead to whips and leather? facepalm Actually, many people in high stress occupations or with high strung personalities enjoy a little flogging. It's cathartic. And, frankly, it's only viewed as dangerous and scary by someone who has NO clue what he's saying when he talks about it. A responsible kinkster is polite and aware of his or her partner and isn't disdainful, except by consent, like in roleplay, for example. I just can't even–!

And waaaaayyyy to slut shame, homeskillet. How is it MY responsibility as a woman to make sure some guy behaves responsibly toward me? It's HIS duty, frankly, to view me as a human being and not be a douche if, say, I show a little cleavage. No man EVER has the right to disdain a woman or think she's a slut based on what she's wearing. We don't complain when YOU lot take off your shirts when it's hot, do we? We don't comment or try to rape you. Give us that same respect. If a guy isn't worth a girl's time, he's not worth a girl's time. It's not our responsibility to make him a better man. He should be a big boy and do that on his own. If I wear a short skirt, I am NOT sharing my body with you. It's your problem if you lust in your heart. So go tear out your own eyeball; I'm not helping with that one, chum.

ALSO, this whole chastity thing? Guess what! It hasn't lessened rates of STDs, teen pregnancy, or the fact that KIDS STILL HAVE SEX. In fact, from everything I've read, abstinence sex ed just makes kids think condoms don't work, and then they try oral or anal sex, which can STILL GIVE YOU STIs. So, that's great. DON'T educate those kids. See how much worse we can make it for them. Kids in countries with actual sex ed have better chances of NOT getting pregnant (thereby lessening the need for abortions, yo). So Ab-Ed is actually harmful. Sex SHOULD be discussed. It SHOULD be studied. If people don't examine it and learn about it, they have unhealthy ideas about it. If it's repressed and narrowed to mean one thing, it harms an awful lot of people. So STUFF IT, pal, and don't talk about it until you've actually done some research. The problem in America is that sex is examined and discussed in unhealthy, uneducated ways.

And women apparently don't like it either? I guess not. This book makes it sound like girls should be chaste little clueless objects for MEN'S sexuality. I've read Ms. Shalit's book, thanks. Actually, NO thanks.

And, frankly, Mr Bell contradicts himself within one page at one point. We women are beautiful, he says. We're loved by our Creator. BUT we shouldn't dress inappropriately. And it's okay not to marry, the Bible says so. But a woman truly blooms and is loveliest when she is loved well. By a man.

So, I'm great, but in order to be really lovely and fully myself, some guy must love me.

So not only was I bored through most of this book, but Mr Bell went a step farther and began discussing things of which he knew nothing. Which, actually, makes this book less dull, but more ire-inducing. And this book is only nominally about sex. Most of this book is discussing relationships and claiming, basically that most relationships are...sexual? A rock concert in which everyone is getting along and on the same wavelength and one is...sexual? I've been to rock concerts. I've felt at one with everyone. But there is a massive difference between unity and sexuality. I was not having an intimate, romantic relationship with everyone there. That would be an orgy, dude.

And anyone outside the hetero-normative continuum doesn't exist. So any gay guys, lesbians, trans* people, asexuals, queers–not even discussed. If you write a book purporting to be about SEX, you actually should probably tackle questions of gender and sexuality. Nope. Doesn't happen. If you don't want to come out and say you think it's wrong, you're a wimp.

I can only hope he's matured beyond this. But if he has, it's time to amend this book. If he hasn't, then he should maybe be a bit wiser and say less. Because this...this...is only one connection between the sexual and spiritual.

Needless to say, I will NOT be reading ‘Velvet Elvis.'

I read this forever ago when I was in collegr and just randomly unlocked that memory. Rob Bell could potentially be considered a pioneer in what is now tagged everywhere on the internet as the “deconstruction” movement. He was (is?) a pastor and had not left his practice of faith. I remember thinking “wow.. this dude is really like.. fuck this shit” while still continuing to lead and believe in god. But I also think it's hard to figure out where he was coming from. Was he naively trying to stand out and using controversy to do that? Or was he sincere and fed up with Christianity?

It would be interesting to read this again from a 2020s perspective and see how his ideas aged.