Telltale

This is a first-person narrative of a troubled, young man who did something criminal - in no small part because of the older man who sexually dominated and used him under extremely dubious consent.

Nicholas, the main character, is someone of indeterminate age. It's never made clear just how young of a young man he is. All we really know is that he was expelled from school when he was caught performing sexual acts with other young men (the consent of which was left very vague) and that his father traded him into indentured servitude some time after that, when physical abuse couldn't make him stop being gay. For the sake of my own sanity, I imagined him as around 19 years old, similar to the person on the cover: young enough to fit the trope of naivete but old enough not to make my skin crawl.

Simeon, his... partner of sorts, and the man to which he's indentured, is much older. He has a significant amount of ‘silver' in his hair and references are made several times to his age, though no number is ever applied to it. Simeon is gross, and trust me when I say that's the nicest way I can word it. Despicable, disgusting, lewd, controlling, perverted, hypocritical, and just a vague sound of disgust also come to mind. He wastes very little time in turning Nicholas into his sexual submissive, and though Nicholas seems to be into it, the power dynamic, uncertain ages, and a few uneasy elements of some of the scenes between them leave much doubt surrounding the level of consent.

Normally, I cannot stand stories where there's a power imbalance and a dominant partner who enforces their will then gets all gentle and faux-concerned when they've pushed too far. It's often played as romance, which makes me want to throw up in my throat. But in this case, the author manages to play the story straight - no pun intended. There's an undercurrent of discontentment, skeeviness, and general unrest in the narrative which makes it clear the entire time that this is intended to be a story about a bad person taking advantage of and warping a young man's mind. Even told from the retrospective view of Nicholas, who has quite a bit of fondness for Simeon, there always seems to be an edge of uncertainty - a brilliantly woven hint of doubt, as if the author is whispering ‘It's okay, I know this is messed up, I'm not trying to portray something healthy'.

There are explicit sex scenes, but I can't say with certainty whether it's erotica intended to hit a kink or just a reflection of how blunt Nicholas is when recounting his life story. Either way, I didn't find it particularly erotic since it included the use of “sir” which is basically the equivalent of an ice cold shower to me. I can't explain why because I frankly don't understand it myself, but once the “sir”s get busted out, any shred of hotness vanishes in my mind. But I can say that there's definitely quite a bit of sexual content between Nicholas and Simeon, often with the aforementioned undercurrents of tension and unrest still woven throughout. So if that bothers (or triggers) you, avoid this like the plague. Ditto to Stockholm Syndrome, ‘cause hoo boy does Nicholas ever have it in spades!

As for the story itself...



I have no clue what to say. It's intriguing in the same way a runaway train is: dark and messed up and somehow completely engrossing. Nicholas is a very damaged character who has been ostracized and abused for his sexuality, sent to live with a man who takes advantage of him, and ultimately convinced that he likes submitting. (See: the earlier portion about dubious consent and Stockholm.) His narrating voice doesn't endear him to the reader - or at least not to me - but it also doesn't create enough distance to be annoying or grating. He's just... broken. Very deeply, mentally broken.

There's a pseudo paranormal element, as well. Nicholas is stated to have this strange sense for other men: an ability to smell them and sense their emotions in ways no normal person ever could. Empathy to the fictionalized degree, more or less. This element comes into play alongside the expected bits - this is inspired by A Tell-Tale Heart, after all - though it seems to come and go as narratively convenient and that's a bit of a letdown.

I'm a sucker for horror-suspense when I'm in the right mood for it, and the repulsion the whole “sir” thing created certainly set the tone for lingering feelings of terror. (I jest, but only to some degree.) This was a unique spin on a tale I only vaguely recall - albeit with much fondness. Unsettling at times, even enough to make me consider DNF when the explicit scenes were happening, but not unbearable. So... I guess it has the makings of a good horror story. And it's just short enough not to be too much.

I'm giving this one 2.5 stars, rounded up because I'm pretty sure the author's main goal was to unsettle readers while also entertaining them and it worked but... I also didn't exactly enjoy the experience.