What Are Children For?: On Ambivalence and Choice

I just finished What are Children for? By Anastasia Berg and Rachel Wiseman and here is my review.

This book was super interesting. It addressed the current climate we live in where women are making decisions to not have kids and some who are still on the fence and the book addresses a lot of the questions about that and how you can overcome not making a decision about it or how to come to terms with their decisions.

As a mother of 6 I obviously am in the camp of having kids. I always wanted to be a mother. Or also understand that for some women, being a mother isn't something they are interested in. Some people are just not maternal. My own mother wasn't when I was growing up and I think she has a lot of regrets about being a mother herself. She adores me and my brother and her grandbabies but she had much larger aspirations for herself and being a mother to me at 21 was not even on her radar.

I think women have very valid reasons for not wanting kids and most were brought up in this book so the authors clearly understand why a lot of women make the decisions they do but they missed some really crucial ones too. I know married women, who won't have kids with their husbands because of the old fashioned views the men seem to still have. One told me that he expected her to go back to work after the maternity leave was up and she would be wholly responsible for the house and the baby. She made the decision to not have a kid then and it's been a serious problem for her husband. He seems to think that's how it is and she should accept that. She thinks that if she's working and bringing in money, he should be doing his share. They won't agree and she isn't giving in and he is talking divorce because he wants a child. This isn't rare. He seems to think he can be a dad with none of the work.

Women expect better, expect a partnership and men are still stuck in the 50s. People like my daughter don't want kids because she doesn't want to be accountable to anyone but herself and she's always been this way. She likely won't find a person to share life with either. People are more content in their aloneness and that's ok too! I know the subject of climate change and less people has been a thing as well but if you actually pay attention to that and we all stopped having children, we would die out. There has to be balance. Unaffordability is another massive concern. We do just fine with a large family because we aren't in debt. We do not have an image we need to project and I am happy in my ripped jeans and bookish T-shirts.

I think having or not having kids is a very personal choice and this book does an excellent job of piecing together the right narrative for those women on the fence.

Never let someone elses opinions make you do something that is not right for you. This book will help you come to the necessary conclusions that are best for you and your life.

Its not a book that I needed to read obviously but I actually found it quite helpful for how to deal with my own kids one day and their questions for a future with or without kids.

Thank you @stmartinspress for my gifted copy. 4 star book.