What My Bones Know

Recommended by Rennie of Whats Nonfiction. I was riveted by this memoir of a survivor of relational trauma (which I think is a much better name than C-PTSD!) Her mother was a sick woman who should have been put in prison for what she did to Stephanie, and her father was a weak, emotionally incompetent man who essentially left her to live on her own when she was in high school. Stephanie became a “success” with a coveted job on This American Life, but inwardly she was a mess. She takes us through her process of healing, which includes a survey of the terrible conditions for anyone seeking mental health or medical help in the US, the horrors of bad therapy, the ineffectiveness of much well-meaning therapy, and the amazing potential of good (rare and expensive, sadly) therapy. It's a very individual journey, but through it Stephanie discovers the healing power of relationship, the importance of self-knowledge and self-trust, and even the way trauma responses can become “superpowers” when they are needed to react to extreme situations (like a pandemic). The wedding scene where she and her husband prepared letters for all their friends telling them why they loved them was incredibly moving and gave such an important message. Anyone who is looking for a single other person to save and complete them is in trouble, while those who build a vibrant community and celebrate love in all its forms are building the future we need to strive for. Great read.