What My Bones Know

Recommended by Rennie of Whats Nonfiction. I was riveted by this memoir of a survivor of relational trauma (which I think is a much better name than C-PTSD!) Her mother was a sick woman who should have been put in prison for what she did to Stephanie, and her father was a weak, emotionally incompetent man who essentially left her to live on her own when she was in high school. Stephanie became a “success” with a coveted job on This American Life, but inwardly she was a mess. She takes us through her process of healing, which includes a survey of the terrible conditions for anyone seeking mental health or medical help in the US, the horrors of bad therapy, the ineffectiveness of much well-meaning therapy, and the amazing potential of good (rare and expensive, sadly) therapy. It's a very individual journey, but through it Stephanie discovers the healing power of relationship, the importance of self-knowledge and self-trust, and even the way trauma responses can become “superpowers” when they are needed to react to extreme situations (like a pandemic). The wedding scene where she and her husband prepared letters for all their friends telling them why they loved them was incredibly moving and gave such an important message. Anyone who is looking for a single other person to save and complete them is in trouble, while those who build a vibrant community and celebrate love in all its forms are building the future we need to strive for. Great read.

Definitely a 4.5 and I'm rounding up.

CW: physical and emotional child abuse, trauma, ptsd, therapy sessions

I knew going in that this was a book about complex PTSD and childhood trauma, and the author's experiences of growing up with it and her process of healing. I decided to again pick up the audiobook because no way I was gonna be able to read it. And wow was this an experience.

Listening to the author telling the story of her abuse was harrowing, so I can't even imagine growing up like that. But the author also balances out her life story with moments of joy and friendships and times when she felt like she was able to get out of the shadow of her trauma. And the way she researched and tried to find all available/ working therapeutic options for her C-PTSD felt very similar to the experiences of author Meghan in her memoir about chronic illness The Invisible Kingdom.

But more than being just a book about trauma and therapy, the author also does a brilliant job explaining her findings about childhood abuse - specially in the Asian American community, the effects of generational trauma and how it can affect future genetics, how experiences with racism can alter brain chemistry, and so much more. The audiobook also features some of her sessions with her therapist, and it was very enlightening to see how both of them analyzed her thoughts and feelings and what it meant about her stage of healing.

I know my review may feel very bland but I really don't think I can write a review worthy of the book. This memoir is brilliantly written, with so much openness and vulnerability, and giving us immense knowledge about trauma and healing and how it affects communities across generations. It's definitely an important book and I would highly recommend it, especially the audiobook because the format adds so much more value to the narrative.

It feels odd to say I enjoyed this book, but I did. Nothing more fun than reading about parental abuse and complex PTSD! Foo starts the thing out with a warning to others who might have complex PTSD, that the first four chapters are mostly a memoir about the abuse she suffered from her parents, and I wonder now what it would have been like to skip those before reading the rest.

The rest weaves her process of recognizing her traumas and various ways she tries to get some healing, and those are a nice mix of memoir and explanations (mostly explanations of how *complex* PTSD comes to be, and how its treatments can differ from other mental health treatments). The first few chapters are difficult to get through, but she layers them in such a way that it was doable. But it's raw, for sure.

I liked the bits and pieces about San Jose, and Oakland.

The best part of the book, for me, is her analysis of how racism (and in particular the model minority bullshit) helps to cause, say, a kid to make it all the way through high school while being verbally and physically abused, with nobody, adult or kid, noticing. Or if noticing, looking the other way.

This is the best book I've read to-date on trauma - particularly complex/relational/developmental trauma.

Foo generously and eloquently interweaves her own lived experience with a fairly comprehensive summary of contemporary trauma discourse and industry consensus. This deft memoir literary nonfiction hybrid is greatly enhanced by Foo's journalistic efforts to interview professionals and researchers as well as documenting her own varied experiences with trauma therapies from EMDR, psilocybin, Internal Family Systems, and attachment-based talk therapies.

The book considers what trauma looks like in school systems, intergenerational trauma and epigenetics, microaggressions and minority stress, ACEs, trauma-related inflammatory diseases, and healing through relationship.
It really is something special and I would say essential (but highly enjoyable and accessible!) reading for anyone in the profession or with an interest in trauma (most of us?!).

One of the best memoirs I've ever read, and it makes me like some previous memoirs less by being incredibly moving, honest, open, and informative and not relying on the reader to do the emotional heavy lifting (“my mom died so now I'm sad”- looking at you, Crying in H Mart).

My new go to recommendation for non celebrity memoirs.

One of the best trauma-informed biographies I've read in a while. I feel seen and heard by her healing journey and unraveling my traumas. I'm at the stage where I'm identifying how my trauma manifests and confronting them head-on.

Anyway, I'm glad Stephanie learned to embrace herself with complex PTSD. I'm trying to do the same with my healing journey.

Updated Review:
It's been a while since I read this. I've used some of the resources she listed throughout her book like Pete Walker's book on Complex PTSD and such. I admire how she was able to better manage her C-PTSD symptoms and I feel that I can do that too.

I resonated with a quote that described how being a part of a minority group can contribute to complex PTSD. I'm queer and disabled, which has added to the forms of oppression I face on the daily on top of being an Asian woman. No wonder I didn't feel safe within my body.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge and wisdom Stephanie. You made my night better.