And Drink I Did

This originally appeared at The Irresponsible Reader.
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This is one of those books that's pretty well summed up by the title and subtitle. There's not a lot more to say, really. But I'll flesh it out a little – the first two chapters are primarily focused on his pre-alcohol life to gain some insight into his alcoholism. He begins by saying that he doesn't know why he's an alcoholic, he doesn't know what made him one – moreover, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that he is an alcoholic. That doesn't stop him from thinking and writing about his childhood – not in an effort to justify or explain away his alcoholism, but to understand it. He explains some early emotional experiences, as part of this – and even his earliest memories of OCD.

This might be the closest I've gotten to understanding the compulsion's sensation:

I didn't feel right or complete until I had done specific tasks.

Even after I did them, there was still a lingering sense that something was off. When people ask me to describe it, the best I can do is to say it's like an itch that can't be scratched- kind of like when the top of your mouth tickles, and you use your tongue to scratch it, but it doesn't really help because your tongue just isn't the right instrument to scratch an itch.

It's like that.

Kind of.

I always felt a void and had no idea how to fill it.

Alcohol filled that void perfectly.

It took me out of myself.

I could relax. . . .

Alcohol quelled the OCD too.

I didn't clean when I was drunk.

It didn't bother me that things weren't in their place.

I didn't sweat the small stuff, so to speak.

And I knew I wasn't sweating it. That was the beauty of it.

Disclaimer: I received this book from the author in exchange for this post and my honest opinion, which is what I provided.