Hopepunk

DNF @ 40%

Guys (and gals and nonbinary pals), I thought I'd found the one. I thought I'd found the Holy Grail of books, made with people like myself in mind. I related so much to the main character, who was basically my teenage self but with more courage, that this book filled me with pure joy and made me feel validated for slightly less than the first third. I genuinely believed I'd found the book to drag me out of my reading slump.

Then things began to go downhill, fast. But let's not talk about that yet. Let's get the good stuff out of the way first, so you can understand my disappointment.

This book captured the feeling of growing up in an ultra-conservative household where one parent is not so religious but married into the zealotry perfectly. So perfectly, in fact, that I honestly felt like nothing could spoil this book from being something I'd hold dear forever (oh, how wrong I was).

The main character, Hope, thinks in ways I think now (at times) and did at her age (when she's a little too juvenile for current-me). She's not a stereotypical girl, but she's also not one of those obnoxious girls who take pride in being ‘not like other girls' - she just knows what she likes, and leans into it. Her older sister, Faith, is similar, except Faith is kind of a science fiction nerd... and a closeted lesbian. I saw a lot of myself in her, as well, especially with regards to the fear and uncertainty related to being queer in the American “Bible belt.”

Everything relating to early handling of Hope and Faith, their family interactions, and the story of Faith being outed and fleeing to escape her mother's bigoted tyranny felt raw, honest, and handled with a perfect balance of realism and sensitivity. Hope gets pushed to the edge, driven so deep into disgust and hatred for the mother who, for all she knows, got her big sister killed (nobody knows where Faith ran away to and she's gone no-contact), that she takes upon herself a massive act of rebellion and invites a now-homeless gay kid to live with her family. I know that sounds like a spoiler, but it isn't; the book blurb basically telegraphs it.

Unfortunately, this is where the book began to spiral out of control and leave me wondering what the fuck had happened to ruin something so perfect. See, we get tons of lead-up where Hope is going on about how she'll fight her mother - even to the death - over her new friend being able to stay in their home since his bigoted father evicted him. And then... her mom, the woman who was going to torture her own daughter just ten months prior to get the gayness out of her, is totally okay with it and has experienced a complete morality shift into believing God does not, in fact, hate gay people. The closest shown to any hint of this turnaround is that the mom started attending a Christian therapy group with a gay priest.

I'm sorry, but all this nonsense about Hope being ready to fight her own mother leading into an unrealistic, complete morality shift instead of a screaming match is just ridiculous. I was all geared up for the catharsis of Hope telling her terrible mom that she owes it to the daughter she failed to make sure nobody else ends up in the same position, but then I just got a completely unearned redemption arc... without the arc. Sorry, but no. I'm not okay with the “teehee the bigot is now reformed because it's convenient to the plot” development. Make her work for redemption, damn it!

But okay, so what, right? One little thing wasn't going to ruin this for me. I kept reading. And it kept getting worse.

So, for me to explain the next thing, I need to back up a little. Danny, the now-homeless boy, is a long-time crush of Hope's. This and her sister's disappearance make her care more than she probably would otherwise about his home life. Yep, we've got the “her crush is gay” trope up in here! And you know what? I didn't mind it at first. Crushes aren't exactly things people can control having, and I respect the honesty of Hope not being able to magically turn off the crush just because she found out he isn't ever going to be available to her. That's fine! I don't mind that.

What I do mind is that she obsesses over him sexually to the point she's somehow simultaneously fetishizing his sexuality (pondering which fictional straight guy he would hook up with) and simping for him harder than an e-girl's fans on the fart jar purchase page. No, really. She can't even sit near him without her engine revving, even now that she knows he's sad, being bullied, homeless, and gay. More than that, though. She realizes their rooms share a wall the beds are against and that gets her so worked up she masturbates by humping her favourite plushie. Poor thing doesn't even get a mention of being washed afterward, though she apparently gets off.