How To Win Friends and Influence People

I was a teenager when my father recommended Mr. Carnegie's original book to me, and at 48 I finally got around to reading this version. I'm glad that I did, as it was well worth the time. I would recommend this book to absolutely anyone who deals with other humans in any capacity at all. And yes, I'll be suggesting it to my own daughter right away.

I was surprised to discover that this book is actually delightful, and much more engaging than I expected for something written in 1936. It feels like the polar opposite of the terrible 48 Laws of Power (“here’s how to take total advantage of people with no shame whatsoever.”)

Instead, How to Win Friends presents common sense recommendations for personal engagement with anyone, plainly, with examples from Carnegie’s students who attended the lectures that inspired the book. He explains the ideas in a way that somehow feels refreshing, nearly 100 years later. Perhaps it’s because the inability of the general public to be halfway decent to service staff post-pandemic has me wishing for the most basic manners. Either way, there’s clearly a reason this has been a best seller for so long, and I’m a little disappointed I blew it off until now. Unlike some of the more obnoxious classics, this one is certainly worth reading.

I started and stopped and restarted this book, admittedly only as a shortcut towards my annual reading goal.

But the decision served me well as the latter half of the book seemed easier to get through. I skimmed many of the examples and stories (just a lot of the same thing to make his point), but enjoyed each principle and found them all very helpful.

There were instances where I thought people in the modern era would be skeptical of such “sincere” approaches. But... He said it himself. These aren't hacks, they are ways to deal with people from the heart. And it might not always work, but at least it improves your chances!