In the Dream House

(Trigger warning: abusive relationship) Absolutely beautifully written memoir about a queer abusive relationship. This is the first book I've read by Machado (whose voice I could listen to all day) and I will be seeking out her other writing. So detailed, so thoughtful, and I appreciated the figurative writing and structure so much, as it added the right gravitas to such an intense subject.

I loved Her Body and Other Parties. I'd never read anything like it before. I loved this and throughout it I had overwhelming gratitude that she—who it seems will throw everything she's got at the important and dreadful topic with amazing precision and skill and flare—wrote this book. Seemed like every sentence was in its place so anyone who picked this up couldn't miss, not just the truth and importance of her story but some of the feeling (terror) of it.

How do I put this. This book made me pace a lot.

God. It's Machado's memoir of being in an abusive queer relationship. Each chapter is stylized or themed after a named topic; it worked for me because it was great framing for the (usually upsetting) content.

A later cluster of chapters lives rent-free in my head still. The Choose Your Own Adventure section? Oh my God. What a great use of form. It really hammered home how 1. bleak the relationship was by then 2. how repetitive the abuse was 3. how inescapable the abuse was (all of the page choices making you go back to the start of the day or a time of the day!!) 4. the extra meta chastisement from Machado if you just read the pages through straight, goddamn (“not following the CYOA rules doesn't mean you can escape that this happened”).

The entire time I was reading this book I was trying to figure out if I enjoyed it, but I kept thinking about it when I wasn't reading it and managed to finish it in three days. When I got to the end, I was still thinking about whether I enjoyed it so I am giving it three stars. This may have been another situation where I should have read more reviews to understand what this book was before jumping into it, but for some reason I thought this was a “weird” horror novel. Maybe I thought this because everyone was reading it in October along with their spooky books and the cover gives that impression as well, but, although the behavior by one of the characters is horrific, this is not a horror novel; it is an account of the author's experience with domestic violence told in short vignettes of her life and her relationship with her abuser. With all my caveats out of the way, the structure of this book was really interesting and absolutely kept my attention. I think the made-up footnotes were interesting subtext to what the author was experiencing, if a little distracting.

There are probably better summaries of the book out there, but my summary is that this book depicts how insidious, creeping, and silent domestic violence can be, specifically in woman-woman relationships. The author also ties her individual experience to the broader lesbian community throughout history and helps dispel the myth that women can't perpetrate domestic violence.

I think this book illustrated the phrase of “You put a frog into a pot of boiling water, and it jumps right out. But if you put it in a pot of nice comfortable water and then turn on the heat, the frog will complacently let himself be boiled.” The reader is taken for a ride where the author's relationship seems lovely at the start and little by little, we are introduced to issues that continue to grow larger throughout the book and throughout their relationship until it culminates into boiling water for the author and for the reader.

I recommend the book if only to read real life depicted in an interesting format and to get some insight into what “non-traditional” abusive relationships can look like.

「 most types of domestic abuse are completely legal 」

this memoir follows the relationship machado had with her abusive girlfriend at the time who tortured her mentally and emotionally. I don't feel like it's “right” to review a memoir tbh, specifically one like this but I will say that I'm grateful that machado felt comfortable to be vulnerable enough to share this tumultuous time in her life with so many people. my rating is really just based on writing and execution

the part that I appreciated the most, next to the beautiful writing and the creative way she structured her memoir, was the research that she put into proving her point being that, specifically in relation to her own situation, lesbian domestic abuse cases aren't taken seriously enough to provide protection for the victim. they're glossed over and considered to just be “two girls/people having a fight” when that's far from the truth. abuse is abuse, regardless of your sexual orientation and gender identity, so I appreciated the amount of historical references and examples that machado used because I learned a lot about how lesbian domestic violence cases have been handled. also how the lack of urgency to stop treating homosexuality and heterosexuality as separate entities when it comes to these situations of abuse. (and look at how most hetero abuse cases are handled...no one seems to care regardless until the person is dead, and even then we don't see a resolve sometimes)

i think that aside from this being beautifully written, it is important to read for your own knowledge to truly understand (even if you are queer) how truly defenseless queer people are in the courts, especially when they're defending themselves against someone in their own community.

this memoir is about domestic violence so if anything in that realm is triggering to you, I suggests you skip this one, but I do 1000% recommend it.

Be prepared that this book is not written as a traditional narrative but rather fragmented parts of the story each with a different theme. But what a wonderful surprise - the subject matter is difficult, the writing is incredible. You can feel the growth of the relationship and abuse and of the protagonist in every page. 

It feels strange to leave a review. I debated not leaving any stars but I also feel like it DESERVES 5 stars...

Memoirs and LGBTQ issues is not my usual topic pick but I had watched a review of this and it sparked my interest, plus it's a quick read.

Abuse is complex and confusing and “In the Dream House” is a perfect portrait of the weird dreamlike-yet-nightmarish state many survivors often describe the relationship as. The combination of flowery prose and clear cases of abuse make for a weird, poetic and unsettling read. If you are looking for a linear plot or a clear narrative of abuse, this isn't it. But if you want a glimpse of what trauma does to our memories and our hearts, Machado knocks it out of the park.

This book reminds me of the quote “And in that moment, the moment of the crash, it made me realize that monsters don't hide in the woods; they aren't shadows in the trees or invisible things lurking in darkened corners. No, the real monsters move in plain sight.”
― Stacy Willingham, A Flicker in the Dark

WOW. Flew through this and loved every page. Within the first 20 pages, I knew it would be one of my favorites. It's been a while since I read a book that I felt was truly something special. This memoir was gorgeous and immensely creative. Each chapter brought a new cliche/trope/genre that functioned as a lens through which Machado told her story. It was heart-wrenching and deeply personal. My jaw dropped more times than I could count, astounded at the pure genius of her writing. The discussion of queer abuse and the history of silence regarding it was extremely refreshing and necessary. She incorporated outside sources and stories, situating her experience within the context of queer history. A must-read for everybody. Love, love, love.

I am not really a Memoir person. Maybe because I find reading about somebody else's life rather daunting; are they being truthful either in a negative way to make themselves look better or purposefully holding back information that may harm? And I usually only see memoirs from celebrities that I truly do not care about.* However,this was a whole experience in a roughly 2200-pagebook about emotional abuse in a same gender relationship. And it was harrowing, and heartbreaking, and sometimes a little funny ,ut dread seeped it's way in though some of the early chapters. And it is told in such a unique way.

Many of the chapters are told in second person, with us as the reader directly in the authors shoes, one time we were an squid. Each chapter is told, for a lack of a better way to phrase it, in a different lense or writing style or topic all starting Dream House as. One chapter is Dream House as Famous Last Words, the ex girlfriend asking for a physical relationship but wanting nothing more and is a scentence of dialouge, another is Dream House as Queer Villany going over the authors thoughts, as well as providing context through film, of queer coded villains, as well as the history of the term “gaslighting.” Another chapter handles the limited history that is currently available of court cases regarding queer women in abusive relationships.

Dream House as a Choose Your Own Adventure made me feel like I was drowning and hated every second of it.

Dream House as Unexpected Kindess made me cry.

Dream House felt very personal to me, but for different reasons I won't go into here. But having her voice the thoughts that sometimes to show people that hey it was real I have photos to prove it! But you can't do that with the emotional damage that she received is just crushing.

I would reccomend this to everyone to read, but please look Into any TW for this book before doing so.

3.5/5

If this was ONLY the main story itself, I probably would've given it 5 stars, but I wasn't a huge fan of all of the references to other stories. etc. I usually didn't understand how it related to the main plot (maybe i'm dumb but ??) and got just really out of it. I really loved her writing though and the main story she was trying to tell of abuse and sadness, it was really beautiful and heartbreaking.