It Didn't Start with You

It took a turn from talking about interesting mouse studies, to bouncing between generational trauma and ‘heal with your parents'. I missed the connection between those. Do most of us have issues with parents? Sure. Is that the same as the generational trauma examples he gave? No. Some of my friends are extremely skeptical of those aspects. I tend toward open mindedness on it. I raise a big eyebrow is skepticism and roll my eyes at some of the suggestions in the end. While ‘fake it till you make it' is a workable solution for some things, applying this to parental relationships feels inauthentic and potentially downright personally neglectful. Don't force yourself to accept a painful parental love unless you're ready. He says regular therapy often ‘blames the parents' and that is a gross misunderstanding of the work I do. So many of us are taught to ignore our own feelings to make others (including our parents) happy. I think it's important to acknowledge OUR perspective. It doesn't mean we have to be mean toward our parent, but we are allowed to have feelings, feel betrayed or let down or angry. And I think sometimes this is even imperative to letting go and forgiving. We can't forgive a parent while we take the blame, and we can't forgive ourselves without recognizing the factors in our own narrative. He's trying to skip that part of the process and force feelings that aren't ready. And I think it may work for a while, but then be met with another major injury.

All that said...I have yet to locate the pdf, and while I still don't see healing parent relationship affecting older trauma, the questions might have value.