Riverdale #1

It took maybe two paragraphs into the first chapter before I got the intense vibe that I was reading one of those novel-length fanfics written by someone with good ideas but iffy execution.

Jughead's opening chapter sounded like he was written by someone whose only impression of how he thinks was a YouTube compilation of his sardonic humour and cult classic references. Betty... well, here's an actual excerpt copy pasted from one of her diary entries: “But this was actual, real life. Hashtag no filter.” Doesn't sound anything like her, does it? Cheryl texts with chatspeak which seems incredibly unrefined for her. And something about the notion that the besties duo of Jughead and Archie had been in fact a trio with Betty tagging along since first grade just didn't ring true to how they all interact in the show.

Thankfully, however, I decided to stick with the book and it got much better - at least where my favourite characters, Jughead and Archie, are concerned. It doesn't bring anything spectacular to the table, but it does give a little glimpse into how the “core four” characters lived right before the pivotal moment which set season one in motion. (Just a shame it also calls upon all the dreadfully non-canon-compatible nonsense plots from the Riverdale comics. Ugh.)

Like far too many YA novels these days, the book is told in alternating first-person POV where it hops like a wild rabbit from one narrating character to the next. Interested in the outcome of Jughead's story? Screw you, here's a snippet of Veronica's boring day. Interested in who's causing mischief with Betty? Oh, well, here's more of how Archie has his head up a certain predatory teacher's backside! So on and so forth. Sometimes the chapters are conversational introspection, sometimes an email or text message exchange, and sometimes a diary entry.

As I said: this is the kind of stuff I'd expect from fanfiction. And, I guess, YA literature in general these days. But YA in general doesn't tend to have in-world fliers advertising joining a biker gang as if it's grandpa's bingo club looking for new members. (I will never accept something so insanely ludicrous and juvenile as canon. It even mentions the trials required to join - things Toni says she can't divulge ahead of time in season two.)

Some characters - Jughead and Archie especially - are handled wonderfully while others feel like cringey caricatures. Actually, come to think of it, this author writes male characters with depth and intrigue (and attention to in-character behaviour) but falls flat with female characters so that they all seem to be a variation of the same, obnoxious “catty diva” stereotype. (You know the word I mean instead of diva.)

Even Betty hardly sounds like herself half the time. Cheryl seems accurate, considering the stereotype actually fits her, but even then her text messages sound far too unrefined with obnoxious chatspeak. Hermione seems more like a Kardashian. Josie is far too spiteful. Veronica in particular is a boring stereotype of bratty mean girls with delusions of royalty. There are a ton of background females who exist solely to be terrible people and treat others like trash in typical “conniving harpy” fashion... I think the only female character who doesn't fall into the trap is Val, who's kind hearted and generally in-character.

As a woman myself, it gets obnoxious and a little hurtful to see so many female characters end up warped into cookies cut from the same, unflattering mold. It's even more disheartening when compared to how amazingly well the author captures the nuances of male characters. Why is this the case, when the author is a woman? How did she fall so flat here when she has an extensive background writing canon-insert books for television properties and reading Archie comics? I wish I knew. Maybe she's just focusing too hard on singular aspects of each character and chose unflattering ones for the girls...?

That said, I loved seeing how this author handles Jug's living conditions. At times, the show seems to forget how poor he is, but she does an amazing job at portraying how claustrophobic a tiny trailer is and how Jug has an old, cracked phone with a clunky laptop. Even better, she handled the matter of Jug's horrible, negligent mother abandoning him without trying to justify or excuse the behaviour like later seasons of the show. My heart broke for Juggie when he described how Archie ghosted him in his time of need, and after the unconvincing first chapter the rest of his portions felt very on-point and true to character.

Archie is also very accurate and the way he's groomed and exploited by a predator becomes chillingly apparent in the way he speaks about her. I dare say this author did a far better job of capturing the true horror of Archie's obsession with a predatory teacher than the show itself. Even when he speaks of his world revolving around Geraldine, the disturbing nature of the thought pattern and how easily he forgets the existence and importance of the best friend shine through. (Mega bonus points for making it explicitly clear that she's nothing but a lying, disgusting predator who pretends to be in love so she can exploit teenagers. I was so happy to see proof of this get canonized!)

Betty... doesn't sound like Betty, in my opinion. I also think the internship in LA makes no sense, but it was mentioned once in the pilot so I guess in that way this is consistent to the plot holes in the show. My problem is mostly with how she keeps calling herself “LA Betty” and being weirdly flirty and overly confident. Is this some kind of hint toward having a personality disorder? It feels disgenuine and completely off-base for Betty.

Veronica is just yuck. That's a juvenile term, but it fits better than anything else. I'm struggling with review size limits, but I will say it makes absolutely no sense that she's this terrible. She's far beyond the Mean Girl type she's supposed to be at this time point; she's downright despicable and insufferable. She's portrayed as the level of celebrity which buddies up with Taylor Swift and Zendaya then snubs Ariana Grande; I won't waste time explaining how implausibly ridiculous that is. Betty also spends a lot of time chasing her down for an interview and digging up online dirt on her for an article she's writing. Funny, since she never showed recognition in the show when they met.

Nick St. Claire makes an... interesting appearance. The less said about him, the better, but if you think he's out of character at first rest assured that everything comes together and makes sense later. I was annoyed in the beginning, too.

Pop and Dilton are great. Seriously. The chapter with the two of them and Jughead is one of my favourites, and I'm always happy to get more insight into how Dilton thinks and behaves. (I'll forever be sad how poorly he gets utilized later in the series.) Pop touches on the same story - nearly verbatim - told in the Riverdale comics, bringing an edge of the supernatural into the tale and I'm completely here for that. I can't explain without spoiling, but I will say I enjoy seeing what a kind heart he has. Dilton also brings in a nearly-verbatim recounting of his story from the show-inspired comics, bringing some much-needed exposition for why he is the way he is.

Cheryl and Jason feel hit-and-miss, as does Polly. Sometimes, they feel authentic - including Cheryl's peculiar manner of speaking as if she's a character from an old black-and-white movie. Other times, they feel weirdly disgenuine in an off-putting way. The mannerisms in text messages feel especially awkward and inaccurate, though I can't quite articulate why.

As for the story itself: I liked it. There's no overarching plot, but rather a collection of segments piecing together the highs and lows of the characters' lives during the pre-series days leading up to the pivotal mystery which drives season one on television. I enjoyed the insights, even though a few bits don't fit canon. Frankly, in some cases, I love some of the alterations.

Most notably, this made Cheryl, Archie, and others actually know that Jug's dad was a Serpent. I always hated how the show tried to feed us the nonsense of nobody - not even Archie, who's been Jug's best friend for life - having any clue FP is one of the local bikers. I also loved the little nod to Jughead already knowing how to drive a motorcycle; despite show-Betty's absurd claim in s2 that Jug had never driven a bike before and the nonsense that is Cheryl and Betty magically knowing how to ride instantly in s3, a person doesn't just get on a motorcycle for the first time ever and drive it without crashing. This author actually understands that and seemingly works hard to weave things together more believably. I appreciate that so much!

Everything else... well, aside from a fun foray into Betty solving a mystery in the workplace (which sadly fizzles out with no proper conclusion) , it's pretty much just expanding on things we already know from the show and/or comics - for better or worse.

If you're a fan of Riverdale, you're probably just looking for more rather than something ground-breaking and completely fresh. In that regard, I do recommend you give this book a chance. It's a quick read with characters you'll know and love, exploring a point in time constantly referred to yet seldom explored in the show. Just be prepared to view it like an epic fanfic: some of the character voices are just plain wrong and there are some canon inconsistencies, but those are worth tolerating for the sake of gaining more exploration of things the show itself only vaguely touches.