The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you.But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another's throats.Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf.Get out as early as you can, And don't have any kids yourself."
—This Be The Verse, Philip Larkin

Written by an experienced therapist, this book talks about how childhood's traumas can affect our adult life and how those children have developed a false sense of self. Even if it's a short book, it has been a tough read because it forced me to face my own past.

The book was first published in 1981, thus you'll find some generalization but, especially if you grew up in a toxic environment, you'll find some help between these pages.

I picked this out spontaneously when I was at the library looking for psychology books about narcissism. This book isn't necessarily about that or about gifted children like the title suggests. It's more of an essay collection by psychologist Alice Miller about how childhood (especially child abuse) effects the mental health of the person growing up.

Because it is an essay collection it is not structured as well as a medical book. But at the same time the prose is rather dry and there are a ton of neverending multi-clause sentences, at least in the German version.

But it did have interesting parts for sure. I especially enjoyed the peeks behind the curtain of the relationship between therapist and their patient. How the therapist's childhood can affect how they treat their patients consciously or unconsciously. In that regard Miller has an interesting viewpoint that is not written about that often I feel like.