The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control
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From psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler, an invitation to every “recovering perfectionist” to challenge the way they look at perfectionism, and the way they look at themselves. We’ve been looking at perfectionism all wrong. As psychotherapist and former on-site therapist at Google Katherine Morgan Schafler argues in The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, you don’t have to stop being a perfectionist to be healthy. For women who are sick of being given the generic advice to “find balance,” a new approach has arrived. Which of the five types of perfectionist are you? Classic, intense, Parisian, messy, or procrastinator? As you identify your unique perfectionist profile, you'll learn how to manage each form of perfectionism to work for you, not against you. Beyond managing it, you'll learn how to embrace and even enjoy your perfectionism. Yes, enjoy! Full of stories and brimming with humor, empathy, and depth, this book is a love letter to the ambitious, high achieving, full-of-life clients who filled the author’s private practice, and who changed her life. It’s a clarion call for all women to dare to want more without feeling greedy or ungrateful. Ultimately, this book will show you how to make the single greatest trade you’ll ever make in your life, which is to exchange superficial control for real power.
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This is a must-read for anyone who even slightly identifies as being a perfectionist. The author is a therapist with the ability to encapsulate deep truths in simple statements; this is currently the all-time most highlighted book in my library (414 highlights).
While she presents 5 types of perfectionists as personalities she’s noticed in her practice, this isn’t a huge talking point in the book and I love her caveat at the end that, like many other frameworks presented by other authors, her labels are just additional lenses that might be helpful.
The entire book is uplifting, encouraging, discusses trusting yourself, self-compassion, self-forgiveness, self-worth, types of perfectionism, being present, making meaning, and so much more. There are patient stories/breakthroughs as examples of concepts she’s presenting.
If you’re even slightly interested in this book - just read it. I’d also recommend On Our Best Behavior by Elise Loehnen.
"When you’re in an adaptive space, you allow what’s perfect for you to change because you know that the perfection is coming from inside of you. When you’re in a maladaptive space, you’re not connected to your wholeness (perfection), so you try to outsource perfection. Your world becomes superficially perfect while you’re miserable on the inside." (Katherine Morgan Schafler, The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control)
This book changed my life. It changed the way in which I perceived things. It changed the way that I address trauma with my family members. It changed the way that I was able to communicate with other perfectionist by understanding their perfectionist values. I listen to the audiobook read by the author, and I highly recommend. A soft voice that truly feels as though she was talking to my inner child telling me that it was OK and everything was going to be fine. That I wasn't broken and that there's so much joy I have in my perfectionism. I listen to it loved it so much I immediately went out and bought the book so that I could start highlighting and reflecting even more. So happy, I stumbled upon this in a moment of self discovery- would highly recommend anyone who feels as though they fall under the label of perfectionist to read
