christa

I won a copy of this on Early Reviewers on librarythings. Thank you blaque_ace for allowing me to read this in exchange for a free, honest review.

I'm not usually a romance gal but I seriously loved this. The smut was VERY good and not afraid to get straight to the point. Not too short or too long. I've read a few romance/fantasy novels that are scared to get vulgar and real. This was not at all afraid, even in dialogue between friends or in banter. I thought all of the main characters were loveable and the antagonists very hateable! The conflict here is great, and I appreciated that we left off in a very ambiguous place. Most of all though, I appreciated that Nessie's identity, as queer, Nigerian, and fat, was at the forefront of the story. Being fat and queer myself, I really loved that her beauty was validated and loved. And that Cat wasn't disregarded and forgotten about. I honestly wanted them to end up together just out of spite...to get back at her parents (and to beat the allegations that all bisexuals only ever have boyfriends). As for her Nigerian identity, I think the parents are incredibly complex characters and I hope they become more progressive and open as the series goes on. Ultimately, I was glad that this wasn't just the typical fat-MC-hates-her-body and that's the only plot. This seriously takes many turns and gets complex. It's dramatic in the best way, funny for its vulgarness, and just plain sexy at times!

While I think this is super strong, basically 5 stars to me, I did think the “contract” aspect of the story was a bit underdeveloped. In general, some of the plot points/twists felt rushed (aka the pregnancy). But the contract specifically felt like it started and ended pretty quick and was only used as a means for that exchange of money. At the same time, I think it shows happiness's desperation to leave her job. The biggest thing is that this could've used an editor or one last look through, just on a grammatical level. I'm just a bit of a stickler about it and found about 20 grammar errors. Simple stuff like commas and missing words. I still really enjoyed this and think it was really entertaining and gripping. If I'm getting specific, this is probably 4.5 for me!

Narrator is quite emotionally self aware. They just know exactly how they feel (or can communicate in unique ways that they aren't quite sure how they feel, which is equally as important). at the same time, the writing itself felt boring and childish. If you opened up a journal of a thirteen year old girl, I feel like it's be more invested in plot than some of this. Just so much of what I ate and this class was boring/we talked about science or i sat and watched this. Like I don't need a play by play of your day. That's what vlogs are for. Ultimately, I think this would've been easier to emotionally connect with when I was younger.

Also would like to add that whenever moments felt emotionally intense or raw, it was undercut by dry statements. I mean, our narrator is forced into a janitors closet with her rapist (who proceeds to grope and threaten her) and the next page we're just in art and we've passed by all the rumors and reactions to the event?

Cute illustration and touches on some more sophisticated subjects like body image, assimilation, bullying, etc. Pretty good introduction to those kinda things for younger audience, but I would've loved to see a bit more resolution to some of them. For example: Dima, the only other russian student at her school, is being bullied for their accent and look. The solution to their problem is reduced down to it just being high school so it doesn't matter in the long run. This non-chalantness becomes illogical, if not completely against the point. To be fair though, this graphic novel never promoted itself for being a positive lesson for kids. I just find it weird to pluck in details of her dieting, being bullied, etc, just for nothing to come out of it.

The creepiness was pretty good. It wasn't scary or gory but had a great twist. Honestly the scariest part was the illustration of the ghost throughout the book. (What was with her chafing appearance though?). Overall, it was a pretty good spooky story with a realistically written young girl as an MC. Anyone can enjoy this. Definitely a low effort read that takes about 45 minutes-hour to finish.

From the bits and pieces of what I'd hear about Britney's conservatorship, I knew this situation was fucked. But I didn't know just how fucked it all was and not even 60% of the way through I was this close to wishing death on everybody. I'm so serious. This got me so fucking heated. I've never been a die hard fan or anything. I honestly went into it not thinking I'd be as emotionally invested as I was.

I think everyone knows what it feels like, or can at least imagine, having something you love ripped away from you. That was the feeling I was connecting to most. Everything, in my opinion, that was branded as evil or bad during her breakdown is explained away by that feeling. You don't get to take away someone's children and expect them to be fine. You don't get to imprison them and expect things to be fine.

As for the writing itself, it's pretty basic memoir stuff! Conversational with a sprinkle of cliches in there. Sometimes it felt repetitive but I also think you earn the right to be repetitive when you've been gaslit and exploited over and over. That repetition IS the story. My major complaint is that some of info feels thrown in and it moves so fast (in a not good way). I just wanted certain moments to slow down so we could get a sense of what was happening physically and in her mind when it happened. The best moments in this book were when Britney gave details/imagery of major moments in her life. The one I would probably reference is when she takes one of her kids into the bathroom until the SWAT team has to come. While it's not a long scene, it truly explores how she felt and doesn't feel thrown in. There's one moment where she writes about being in a car and almost driving off a cliff. I remember reading this and being super confused. It felt like it came out of nowhere. And I wasn't even sure what was going on...like physically? I think this could've had one more look through to ensure all the details were relevant. But at the end of the day, if Britney thinks they are then they are.

I was mostly interested to hear about the conservatorship aspect of the book. This was no doubt the most gripping part. But it was also cool to see Britney call out the people that helped her (and the people that harmed her) and speak on moments of her career that shes never spoken on before.

Ahhhhhh!!!!!! All I can say is I was incredibly enthralled by the characters, Rachel and Deenie in particular. Rachel is extremely flawed, but I found myself seriously relating to her. There are entire sections that I felt were plucked directly from my head. Codependency, for example, was shown so well through her internal thoughts and dialogue between her and james. It was all so incredibly honest.

Again, Rachel did some bad things and none of them are excusable and still, I wanted Rachel to win so badly. I wanted her to get what she wanted. I hated who she hated, loved who she loved, was obsessed with all the same things. I wanted her to seek out petty revenge from everyone who'd ever made her feel small even though it wouldn't be fair. I wanted the (mostly) good people in this story to be bad because that would've made loving Rachel so much easier. She was self aware in the most dangerous way, in that she can pinpoint her role in hurting others and feels hopeless about it. At the same time, you can't deny that she'd been used. And punished. It was pretty heart wrenching to read how she was treated at the graduation, all based on a lie to spare someone else. It just felt so horrible. I don't know how else to explain it.

Nearing the end, I realized that resolution is what I wanted for everyone. Despite the turmoil Deemie suffered, it was incredibly fulfilling to see how things changed with her. I don't know if I would've coped as healthily as her, so I respect her character so much. Ultimately, I think this book teaches you to cope with people's shitty behavior (even your own!) with empathy and context. Every bad decision we make is to protect ourselves or others. That doesn't make it any better. But it helps us understand why we keep messing up and hurting people. I think that's all we can do.

Apart from plot/characters, the pacing of this was what helped me get through this so quick. I would prepare for a long chapter, only for it to fly by without me noticing. Each chapter, no matter how long, transitioned so smoothly and was easy to breeze through. The last few chapters feel a bit rushed because it skips time so quickly. However, I think the quickness was necessary to get to the last chapter without giving unnecessary detail over a longer span of time.

The writing itself is the most impressive part to me. It was so witty and the ‘drama' was so fleshed out. I was invested in every single relationship, in every single slip-up or obstacle. It was also just so versatile. It was devastating and funny and complicated. I've read too many books that are so invested in plot, they forget to say something important in a hard-hitting way. Some people are great at making interesting/unique concepts for stories, some people truly understand the craft of writing. O'Donoghue is great at both and it feels effortless in my opinion.

The endings of chapters were also so so interesting to me. I think landing on ‘mundane' images or statements to move forward works really well in stories like this. A really intimate moment cannot end on something explosive or dramatic. It works so well when these moments end on the fineness of tea leaves, on the printed-off email tucked somewhere, on a kiss planted on a neck. Writing poetry is one of my favorite things ever and this is usually my go-to way to end poems. Devastate them with a lasting image that pulls in their senses, something that grounds them.

I love love loved this novel. It was just genuinely refreshing. I also just have this weird urge to cry silently whenever a main character seems to resolve their issues and get closure (maybe because I'm living vicariously through them?). So I did a little bit of crying with this one and that was so satisfying.

This is the only book I've ever re-read in my entire life. There's a lot that went over my head in 2019 and there's definitely stuff I can't grasp even now. But I think this is one I'll revisit all throughout my life and find gems as I grow. Probably my favorite book of all time. So many different moments in time are weaved together. It feels so stream-of-consciousness but expertly crafted at the same time. It's honest and its weird and sporadic and inquisitive and wise. I can see how people might be off-put by some of these things, but I think its chaos is part of its charm. Everything is held together by a very thin thread (blue!). I think this blend of poetry and prose (and research ofc) is Maggie Nelson's sweet spot and I wish she'd just keep writing shit like this. I just want more. <3

Thank you Netgalley and Publisher for this ARC in exchange for an unbiased review!

“She'd never looked in the mirror and hated what she saw. It was more that she hadn't wanted to see anything at all”

I have an entire drawer with a stash of clothes I love but refuse to wear—crop tops, tube tops, bodycon dresses and short skirts (alongside a small chest full of bikini tops I can only wear in my backyard, bikini bottoms I refuse to wear at all). This confession is to say I emotionally connected with Everly's story of feeling like too much, of wanting to disappear and blend in. Not because I find them unflattering or my body ugly. It really is about fear of what others are thinking. What gives me my worst anxiety is the knowledge that I'm being perceived no matter what. I sit still, don't speak, make myself feel small to paint an unimpressive yet unmemorable picture of myself. And the lesson to learn is not that no one's looking at you or to look your best at all times. The lesson is really about being able to not give a fuck, to surround yourself with people who uplift you, who want to see you happy.

Everly's emotional journey was so so excellent, and the romance was just as good. Romance is usually not my schtick. But I was absolutely dying at the somewhat slow burn, blush worthy romance with a guy who is GRUMPY and somehow, still so loveable and kind. I grew up thinking, and still sometimes still succumb to the idea, that fat people were unworthy of love. And if they were loved it was humiliating or fetishization. So it was refreshing to see someone not only love a fat woman, but cheer her on in the process of loving herself. I also appreciated the smut for its briefness and low ~detail~. Low spice makes me blush, has me a bit flustered and I love that!

Everly's mother was certainly realistic in the scariest way! I know she had her redemption arc but I genuinely was not prepared for the comments she made to Everly and others about fatness. She was such a well written character that I was seeing red any time she spoke. And I think she was, in the beginning, the true embodiment of a hater. The conversation between her and Everly was necessary, though I'm glad she didn't completely forgive her. In the end, I think her character tells us that people who want to ‘help' you should want you happy. No one should want to see you miserable to subside people's comments or thoughts about you. Pure intentions are essential, but how people treat us is just as important.

There is such an obsession in books with fat MC's wanting to lose weight, and too often the argument for body positivity gets dulled down for the sake of keeping straight sized people comfortable. I appreciated that Everly didn't succumb to her mother's harmful rhetoric. That the book was unabashedly advocating for fat people and their happiness the. entire. time.

There are certain narratives that fat people are allowed to have in fiction (and life!). Loving the way you look (literally just wanting to exist without judgement) is not usually one of them. We are always written like self-hating freaks who were always insecure, feel ugly, and are not ready for relationships. We could ~never possibly~ love our bodies as they are and are just waiting for other people to catch up. It was awesome to see Everly written as simply afraid to be loud. To love our loudness deep down, but driven to be quiet out of fear of making others cringe at the noise.

I cannot recommend this enough.

I took it upon myself to create a small asf soundtrack for this:

im fine by sabrina carpenter (unreleased)
slow burn by kasey musgraves
she looks so perfect by 5sos
someone new by hozier
naked by lizzo

I can tell this is putting me in a reading slump so its a DNF 13% in. There's other issues I have with this but ultimately i can't get over the colons. There are colons in sentences that would be perfectly fine without a colon. It wasn't bad at first but then it started to annoy me. And then it made me resentful, for some reason. If you search up where colons are in the book, there's one on about every page. Sometimes, more than once. There was a point where it was every other sentence. I'm sure it's not something that bothers others but once I noticed it, I couldn't stop noticing. So I guess my constructive criticism is to consider punctuation variety next time. My other main criticism is that there were too many lists (usually after a colon! how funny). I didn't feel grounded in plot or physical details because they always came in the form of a list.

I appreciate what it's trying to do. I'm sure it has a great message and I'm sure it will be very popular. I just can't get over these things quite yet.

Thank you NetGalley and (publisher) for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.

Nineteen Claws and a Black Bird is a book of short stories rooted in obscurity, in grotesque, strange metaphor and symbolism. Sometimes they were so strange that I had no idea what was going on. Stories like, “Architecture” or “The Wolfs Breath” are most notable in this category. Even now, their purpose, message, and plot are lost on me. But in stories like, “Anita and Happiness” or “Earth” and “The Solitary Ones” where there was more plot clarity, I was completely engrossed in the narrators internal reasonings/thoughts, the relationships and characters, and the irregularity of these worlds and their scenarios. Even in stories that started out unclear, like “Mary Carminum”, slowly revealed an insane, incredibly engaging plot.

Perspective allowed some really interesting exploration of tough topics like child abuse and death. I think of “The Dead” first, in which the speaker is a kid who wants to be with his dead mother ‘on the moon' but is stuck with his abusive and neglectful father. I interpreted this story as being a really intense representation of grief mystifying reality. This was only possible because the speaker was too small to understand things as they are. The legs of a woman become spiders. Cremated remains become evil he can't cleanse out. And the solution to all this is sad and somewhat gory. As a reader who is incredibly intrigued by this plot, I really wished this was longer actually! I believe this for a handful of other stories here too. As a writer, I think the ending was really genius and this was just a glimpse into what could be a much bigger story. However, all in all, I appreciated the brevity of each story. Most of them had some insane openers and satisfying endings, making them easier to get through. Stories that had very distinct plot and characters had great momentum and speed.

My ultimate criticism though is that I don't feel that the blurb efficiently summarizes what this book is and does not give an adequate warning to some of its content. As for funny, I think there is very little humor here. Candy Pink was the only one that was distinctly funny, though I still read this one as more depressing! I can see glimpses of it in certain stories, but it often comes through the delusions of the speaker (which I usually read as mental illness or mental deterioration and therefore, did not consider it funny). “Dark” also really doesn't begin to encapsulate some of these stories. There's body horror and blood in a lot of these. But most of darker content is insinuated. Things like suicide, rape, and child abuse are often explored through metaphor and symbolism. Other times it's very blatant, but the details are left out, which I appreciated. And a few select times, it is giving lots of detail actually, which I didn't love so much. I will say Candy Pink, in my opinion, is one of the more detailed stories. I don't think these details and themes are bad by any means but I think it should be made a bit clearer somehow that it's tackling some heavy stuff.

I read Tender is the Flesh a few years ago which I enjoyed. And I can say this is so incredibly different from it, in the best way possible. Sure, they share similarities in their gruesomeness, in metaphor. But the writing and lyricism of this was completely unexpected. While I do feel that Bazterrica flourishes in long form, these short stories felt experimental and fresh. I think some of these stories could stand to be more fleshed out and detailed, while some of them would do better with just some clarity. Overall though, it was an interesting read that showed me a different form of writing from this author I already know and love. I'm super grateful I got to read it.

Thank you Netgalley and Publisher for letting me read this ARC in exchange for an honest review!

*Some spoilers ahead

Felt myself trudging along because the rules of this system felt impossible to grasp. And I felt the book was also struggling with this because the rules were being brought up over and over and over again. The body hopping stuff is just so incredibly lost on me. In general, the book was trying to do so many things until it felt convoluted on purpose. I felt the true essence of the book's purpose in the last 30% of the book. The strength of this book was the vivid imagery and beautiful writing. There were some insanely emotional and violent moments that, if you can stomach them, truly bring the characters and plot to life.

Before the murder trials were exposed later in the book, I was really confused why the main emotional conflict was “I can't believe the men in my life aren't getting punished like me” after the main character brutally murders (literally strangles, all by herself) a random girl. It felt almost comical that that's the argument we were making about being a woman: we both were there when I murdered her, why am I being punished more because I have a vagina? The consequence felt unbalanced to the crime, for sure. But the first half of the book felt like the MC was searching for a scapegoat, someone to blame, until it fell beautifully in her lap. I can't blame her for that and I'm sure she was meant to be written like that. But it was definitely frustrating as it undermined the legitimacy of the feminist lens to me, at least for the first half of the book. The ending definitely flips the script where we see the manipulation and abuse of the murder trials. I just wish we had gotten to this bigger conflict earlier because I was seriously struggling to take serious that we were meant to side with the MC.

I enjoyed the ending. A perfect society, without abuse and discrimination, can only occur when everything is wiped clean. Hard lesson to learn but it was creatively done.

This book has a tendency to confuse me about the physical components of any trials violet went through. I genuinely could not conceptualize the gauntlet and was very glad to find detailed fan art of it.

The writing itself was giving YA, which is fine! But the sex scenes didn't feel necessary if that's what we're going for. The characters read as 17-18 year olds, not adults.

I thought the enemies to lovers arc was going nice and slow until suddenly they were both very, very hungry for each other and honest about it out of the blue. I just thought that yearning might stretch a little bit farther. At the same time, it raised the stakes for me in certain moments.

genuinely have no other thoughts right now. it was good and engrossing but doesn't really come close to some of my favorite fantasy. This has verified for me that I've fully rode the fantasy wave this summer and it is abruptly coming to an end for me. I literally cannot take the cringe yet sweet enemies to lovers arcs that materialize too quickly because they-actually-like-each-other-from-the-very-first-moment! I need my man to hate me in order to give af.

I think this was a really beautiful story with a feminist and anti-colonialist/anti-capitalist angle that was explored in such a unique way. Beautiful writing, beautiful imagery, and beautiful displays of greed and sisterhood.

However, one of the downsides of multiple POVs is that we all have favorites. I was never emotionally invested in Grant's story. And I also disliked his character, but maybe that was the point? Idk I just despise it when privileged people want to escape to another world to avoid acknowledging they have that privilege, only to realize everywhere else is a dump and they wanna go home to their daddy (but don't, just to prove him wrong). And once we (finally) got his backstory with Jane, I came to my own conclusion that he's just a shit guy who refuses to take responsibility for his own ego. He's always being rescued and knows there will always be someone to save him. My problem with this is i'm not sure if that characterization was on purpose. Are we supposed to be rooting for him? Are we meant to be blame his parents solely for Jane's death instead of him? Ya know, the one who refused to go to a secondary location before a bad storm against his girlfriends wishes, only to have his father save him during the thick of it and leave his girlfriend to die? I hope, if there is a sequel (this book surely deserves one), that Grant's ego and privilege is explored in a more realistic way that doesn't sugarcoat his ills.

The Blooms were so cool and I loved what we learn about their connection to White Alice at the end. I honestly didn't expect it. White Alice was definitely interesting, but was too fast paced and skipped so much time. I also struggled to keep timelines with them. I originally thought the book was too populated with them and they were not distinguished well enough from the Blooms. As the book continued, I had an easier time separating them. But in the beginning, there were moments where I genuinely forgot I was reading about one group when it was really the other. I think this is because there were just too many characters. I couldn't keep up. It's incredibly frustrating to be 40% the way in and still not be able to get anyone's names. And that's not to say you can't have a bunch of characters, you just have to make them memorable. For example, Willow was easy for me because her temperament and look was described as wildly different than the others. She was recognizable, not just a name on the page attached to dialogue.

I think the feminist angle was sometimes a bit plainly put, if that makes sense. It was trying to encapsulate the pains of women by very broadly accusing men of everything. Idk how to explain it (and this is coming from someone who, for a long while, basically considered themselves a misandrist). It just felt like the anger was not misDIRECTED, but oversimplified. I think that anger is valid and the environment they're in probably forced them to simplify it, but there are tons of women who engaged in the manipulation and murder going on in this book that were never spoken about. I just think the discussion of men is surface level and runs into territory of just being man-hating? I'm not totally opposed to it, you just run the risk of people not taking you seriously when it's simplified into “all men are murderers and rapists and we will never find peace because of them”. Now, this is honestly how I feel all the time!!!!! but there's a more nuanced explanation for it that could've been explored.

Ultimately though, I just got bored in the middle and that made pacing and certain details feel more annoying than they are! Great writing and the premise is super cool but I felt myself waiting for the ball to drop, for something exciting to happen. And it kind of did at the end with the plot twist. But it was so far in that I almost didn't care or notice it. The back and forth POVs just dissipated any momentum the story was working up. This soured the experience a bit but I still think this was awesome and courageous. I imagine it's incredibly difficult to weave these three groups together and it works out great. I hope Sterling is in the process of writing a sequel because she's set it up perfectly for one!!

This was confusing asf because the footnotes made me think this was real for like...15% of this. But I loved it.

I liked the characterization of X. Just the most pretentious motherfucker you've ever met that people still somehow love. For a lot of the book, that was what I thought was her biggest fault. She was just an annoying pretentious artist. But once we learn about some of the psychological and even physical abuse, this book transformed into something different and idk how to explain it. Things that seemed obscure and even quirky about X suddenly became a lot darker. I think we hear a lot about “tortured” artists being actual snobs and horrible people. X was no different, which I'm sure she would berate you for saying. At times, I almost found it funny how much of a facade she was putting up...trying to act artsy and profound when really she just wanted her art appreciated without any scrutiny or criticism like the rest of us. Interesting character though I don't ever think we got to see a moment of her with her guard down. Even in more intimate moments, she was still pretending. Her thoughts on the past you being a different person was different. Though her disguises were an obvious attempt to flee, to run away from criticism and challenge. Again, well-written but very frustrating character. I still do not know her. Honestly though, my only wish was that the narrator would get really fucking angry. I wanted anger. She kept telling me it was there, but I didn't see it.

Catherine Lacey's ability to create an entirely new American history out of thin air was the most impressive aspect of the book to me. I did not except to like the Southern/Western/Northern Territory parts to be as intriguing as it was. (Though I was confused why Southern Territory was “ST” but the other two were always written out. Idk why or how I noticed that but either it's an error or a choice. If it's a choice, I'm not sure why.)

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. A lot of it went over my head, I'm sure. This was not a perfect 5 star for me, but was pretty close to it!

When I read the first page of this, I was like...oh shit yeah. This is what loving reading is supposed to feel like. I love when smart people write and I love when smart people let loose and create something never seen before. Not only is this story inventive, but it's incredibly well written. The writing was good enough that if my adrenaline wasn't pumping, I was still truly engrossed in the words themselves. Maybe that's just the writer in me. Was in awe of dialogue and banter. I found the actual plot of this pretty fascinating too. There was definitely some jargon/language here that totally went over my head (seriously, whenever different languages pop up with translations, I totally skim by accident), but other than that, this was a pretty fast paced and exciting story to me. Not necessarily fighting dragons and going to war (side-eye) but there's a lot to love here. And there's seriously a lot of twists and turns.

The only real criticism I have is that the dialogue and events didn't always feel realistic to the time period. The book sometimes feels like it was just plucked into a convenient part of history but didn't make too much effort to talk about what that actually looked like in some nuanced ways. But it really showed up to me in the way they spoke. That being said, I appreciated that the dialogue wasn't old english and stuffy sounding. It was easy to read because its language was very current. But yeah, definitely was not getting 1800s vibes from this. Even descriptions of the town felt modern.

Beside from this, I think I can also admit that Letty's character was very predictable. And the harshness in which she was spoken to in the beginning gives too much leeway for people to start justifying her disloyalty. Not criticism, just observation: Letty's character is extremely hateable, while at the same time, resembling so many white people we interact with on the daily. Our colleagues, classmates, even family. They just can't seem to ~get~ racism. Can't comprehend why having privilege doesn't bar you from offering criticism to the very system that gives you that privilege. Also can't seem to understand why privilege is sometimes not a privilege at all, if it thrusted upon you as a means to get you to hush up and be grateful. If your own family and community are suffering while you've got your nose stuck in a book, dedicating your life to people who don't see you as human. At about 60% through, I could feel Lettys betrayal coming on. It was still well done, but very predictable. I never once in the book thought she was ever trustworthy with the whole Hermes thing, let alone murder and revolution.

This is the type of book I finish and, despite having small details I'd change, I really just want to leave a one sentence review saying i love it because none of the other shit matters. I think this is a skill many need to learn. But alas, they never do. So, classic me going on and on about bad takes from bad reviews:

the assertion that footnotes = breathing down your neck conveniently ignores the fact that a LOT of folks know a whole lot of nothing about everything. Maybe it's a bit embarrassing to admit, but I know VERY LITTLE on imperialism and colonialism, especially in the environment presented here. So the footnotes and allusions were essential to me. You're reading too much into it if you think Kuang assumes her readers aren't intelligent enough to get it. But even then, some of us aren't going to automatically ~get it~ and that's okay. I can understand on an individual level that the footnotes can feel disruptive or unnecessary. But I truly felt like Kuang was there with me, introducing me to new details and history. Anyways, some things are just fun. Footnotes are fun. This is a book that's talking directly to you, begging for you to pay attention. It's making its argument obvious for the sake it of it not being missed. So it is accessible to EVERYONE, not just people who can read between the lines, who love big words and indecipherable symbolism. Let people enjoy things. Let writers indulge. That's literally their job.

And finally, the request that this book get deeper into “the action”. Not sure how to combat this but. Let's point out the obvious: it's already there! If you wanted the “juicy” details of colonialism, it's right there. On the first page. And everywhere. Secondly: the whole point of Babel is that these children are not seeing the gruesome effects of what they participate in. It's constantly rammed into their heads that others, their own motherlands and all its people, are lazy and deserve whatever strife they suffer. So no, you're not seeing the gory details! Sorry? Wanting more explicit violence, for this book to be less ‘preachy', for it to comfort white audiences, are all tone deaf. You want the book to shy away from its purpose, to sugarcoat its lesson on oppression. That is not how it works. If you read this entire thing and your lasting sentiment is that you hate how the book is preaching to you, how the book is making its lesson too obvious, how it makes you feel awful for being white, then your view of the book as a whole is severely devalued.

How this MC is not in PRISON or a mental hospital, I will never know. Really resonated with June's anger/jealousy at first and then realized maybe this bitch is just crazy...Apart from that, all I'll say is Candice's role in this was very predictable to me!!!! Which was kind of a let down because I was FUCKING with the ghost stuff!!!!!!

Favorite book of the year honestly. I told myself that if the whole teacher/student thing wasn't spoken about again before the book was over that I'd be unsatisfied. It gave me just enough and I knew it was a 5 star for me at the end. I felt like we were looking into a million different moments in this person's life. The book's about growing up and finding yourself, despite having a lot of repression and a lack of desire/will. It's less about plot, more just following this MC as she goes from a teenager to her mid-30s. It doesn't sit with any period of her life too long. It felt like a mix of the Never Have I Ever show (for the cultural references and general goofiness/small faults of the MCs) and My Dark Vanessa (without all the detail of abuse). I was just really impressed at all this book encompasses. The ~font~ was giving YA, but even the section when she's a teen felt reflective and literary in a way that's not quite YA? Point is, I think this would be most enjoyed if you're not looking at it strictly for that coming-of-age angle. And if you want coming-of-age, be open to that extending farther into adulthood than usual. Very very good book. I don't even really know how to talk about it.

There is one moment where she talks about ratemyprofessor and I wondered if the author had ever used it, because they don't even let you accuse a teacher of favoritism on that site, let alone comment on a teacher's body. That was one of the only moments that took me out lmao.

This was beautifully written and asked a lot of interesting questions, but I really don't know what to get from it (which is chill honesty)! To me this is a book about discovering sexuality is even more fluid than we realize. It does, in my opinion, make an argument that labels are bullshit. But I think the main character's fluidity is not universal and so I found myself wanting to advocate for lesbians!! Because despite labeling herself as a lesbian, Eve fell in love with a man? Maybe I'm late to some party but I think the definition of a lesbian really is that there is not romantic or sexual attraction to men. If she doesn't fit there, that's totally fine and this would have been a cool way of showing that sexuality can change or stretch. But I don't know if that's what this is. Truly, it felt like “the straight man understands my mind and my body in a way that transcends sexuality”, which feels wrong to me (because it felt like it was making a mockery of the label). But I also recognize that may be someone's experience.

I also think this could easily be a narrator that's being manipulated in a way she can't come to terms with or even see. At times, I felt that Eve thought she had control but didn't. I kept thinking of My Dark Vanessa. That narrator is constantly having to convince the reader that what she experienced was fine, that she was not a victim at all. This felt a little bit like that. Eve truly believes this shit and is trying to make us believe it too. I guess what I'm saying is that she's an unreliable narrator who refuses to call a spade a spade. She shows us the facts but refuses to make the right conclusions: she's being taken advantage of, pitted against Olivia for attention, and IS IN FACT pansexual! Or maybe there's a piece of info we're not getting. Or maybe they were made for each other and don't worship sexuality but sex and vanity itself. Not sure! It was a cool concept but it's definitely one that's got me stumped. The ending left me even more stumped because I thought we were going somewhere that would make the whole manipulation angle make sense: “this man manipulated me into a relationship when I really wanted his girlfriend (I am also really concerned about said girlfriend because she's still being manipulated even after I made it out”. But the ending basically ripped that theory to shreds. I think Nathan is a fucked individual who disguises assault and degradation as understanding someone. When really, you've overstepped and were lucky enough that they liked the way it felt. All of this to say, I think the writing of these characters is pretty masterful. My hatred or ambiguity for them was probably the point. But I wasn't sure what argument or philosophy to get from it. It doesn't need to have one, but it was very obviously trying to say something. I just wasn't able to get it.

What I seriously loved about this book was the exploration of jealousy, of guilt, of vanity and wanting our body to be perceived. I picked up the book because I read the first page and felt that it'd been plucked from my fucking brain. I related to Eve in ways I wouldn't like to admit and I also found some of her actions repulsive. If nothing else, this book has raised a lot of questions for me about poly relationships, conventional beauty, how I view and distribute my body and even loyalty. Personally, I think this book could've been twice as long. There are so many loose ends, things we never return to. But I also think that open-ended-ness is natural and works for stories that follow someone's life. Not every aspect of our lives ends when we change things up, so info about her father, roommate, ex-gf, etc, would indulge me, but is maybe not necessary. I probably like this book more than I realize because I saw Goodreads reviews before reading and that tainted the experience a bit (it becomes 10x easier to spot things to dislike when people point them out for you). But I still really liked it. And I'm not even a smut person (is this smut? is it artsy smut? a secret third thing?).

In my list of top 5 favorite books I've ever read in my life. At first i thought it was just a bit absurd and the whole point of it was to indulge in the writing style and voice. But it quickly became a different thing: commentary on class, on masculinity (porn addition) and misogyny. Crazy as fuck. If you can get through a lot of the sentences here being a half a page, you'll like it. I personally am a big fan of that. It's gross and talks very bluntly about the female body, including rape. Our two main characters, though they suffer two completely different things, bring the worst out of one another and neither of them are mature enough to understand that. It was just a really cool reading experience.

This book took me exceptionally long to read because it made me feel dumb. Everything was too smart and alluded to stuff I have never seen or didn't understand. And admittedly, I am not well versed in motherhood or the transgender ‘vocabulary' that you must have to be fully empathetic and engrained in this story. Because of that, I felt disconnected which is why it's 4 stars for me. There are definitely moments where I felt Katrina and Reese were battling as to who suffers more which will never sit right with me (can we just admit every grief is different? that, even grief you consider ‘worse' or ‘not as bad', is still grief in the end?). You can read any 1-2 star review and understand how some people might think about this. The writing is excellent, sometimes overwrought but still craftful.

Ultimately, what bothers me most is how others received the book. I am noticing that a lot of the low reviewers are white cis women, disguising their transphobia and intolerance, by addressing 1-2 quotes they disagree with. And HEY, I'm all for pointing out specific moments you dislike. But these quotes are usually very obviously sarcasm (and I can't help but wonder if these people actually READ the book because they might have gotten this sarcasm if they'd read the context surrounding it...or at least grasped the sarcastic tone). As for the non sarcastic moments, I think it's fair to say that trans men/women are allowed to feel spiteful and upset (sometimes selfishly) about their lives, even if that spite is directed towards cis people. This is not a book promoting expert philosophy, therefore the opinions of the characters do not have to measure up to that level. These are flawed characters written by a real trans person who has, no doubt, felt spite and jealousy just like the rest of us. Just because that spite reaches new territory (of motherhood), does not mean that spite is any less valid. There are infertile people that will forever try to convince pregnant people not to abort their babies because they were given a ‘gift'. Is this not the same thing? Is this rhetoric not rooted in the same logic...that one party has something the other one wants and will, by any means, make themselves a part of it (even if it pains the other)? Let's think critically about the HUMAN EXPERIENCE. We are allowed to write flawed, vulnerable, selfish and jealous characters because we all embody that. So before you get UP IN ARMS about a trans woman feeling slighted or upset about how cis women approach or feel about womanhood, you might want to consider how other peoples opinions and approaches might be different from yours...how those approaches might also (most certainly do) affect you because you've never gotten the chance to experience it yourself.

As for the criticism that this story is very white, I can say wholeheartedly as a black woman that I do not want white people writing for me. I do not want their interpretation of black womanhood through a symbolic black woman with a lot to say about blackness. I would actually take much more offense to this, in that it would almost certainly silence real black voices and books from black people about their own experiences...in the same way a cis person could never write this book. This is also why Katrina's character, specifically her identity as a person of color, did not work for me. It felt that the author was desperately trying to make counter arguments using Katrina, only to circle back to the ultimate point, that Reese's grief and pain is the most unbearable and thus, all the most accurate rhetoric surrounding motherhood is coming from her. While I am extremely empathetic for Reese (arguably more than any other character), I was desperate for some actual thoughtful discussion that didn't involve Katrina backing down... because after all, being an aging divorcee who's miscarried and is now having a baby with an employee, is very hard all on its own.

Let me know what you think. Or don't.

Read a review that said this would be better in first person and I cannot help but agree. Frida did this, Frida did that. It all felt so detached. The emotion I felt throughout this was anger. I was actually livid the entire time. Part of this is the structure of this world, specifically the shaming, that was purposely built to make me angry. But I think part of that anger comes from a complacency on Frida's part. We don't actually see her resist much at all until the very end and this resistance is undeveloped. It affects everyone around her, specifically Will, who has broken so many rules at her expense. She even confesses her love before doing what she does. Despite this, I think the end is very, very emotionally impactful. It has the most emotion of the entire book. Still, it's emotionality is undercut by details that are unnecessary. I think the most unrealistic aspect of this book is how the “bad mothers” ranged from objectively physically abusive mothers to people who ‘babied' their child? The commentary, that mothers are supposed to be perfect, doesn't work when we're forced to believe that an abusive mother's only flaw is that they aren't perfect. There is a separation, and it has nothing to do with perfection.

made me smile sometimes and their banter was nice. but i honestly just didn't relate to danika at all. this is all shade to me but work is not my life and it actually exhausts me to hear about peoples lifestyles like that. like please take a nap before you start to stress me out vicariously. i thought the smut here was decent but sparse. like why was i 50% the way through waiting for it? i might be biased because i think the 1st book has one of my favorite sex scenes of all time. i enjoyed this while i was reading it but also wondering every chapter why it was going on so long? hibbert has a tendency to add a breakup scene at the end. this one felt more necessary than the one in book 1, but still, i hate seeing characters ruin a good thing over nothing. trust me, i have my own share of flaws: i get super angry and mean, sometimes play the quiet game like a baby, truly so sensitive people have to walk on eggshells around me ((yes i've been accused of this) TO MY FACE). but, i always get so detached when someone's achilles heel is the relationship being...too good? breakups can be traumatic and being cheated on can literally change your brain chemistry but i also feel so much empathy for the person who comes next. no amount of reassurance and honesty can heal someone who can't trust you. it sucks for everyone involved. i guess what i'm saying is, if i was the bf in real life, this would be the most nonsensical and frustrating fight ever, which makes me not like it. but this is also just a reader preference. this is more of 3.5 for me! but definitely more on the lower side. it just doesn't compare to book 1. at all.

p.s. i switched between and ebook and audiobook of this one and i might have been swayed by the sheer britishness of it. AND there were so many times the italics was begging the narrator to change her inflection of voice and she just did not. no shade but the audiobook made the experience worse. everytime she cursed, i felt like she was mad at me for making her say them because her voice was so delicate and soft. but that part is probably just in my head.

Interesting concept but was very repetitive at times. And I wasn't sure what that ending was about. Ultimately, I think this was just a glimpse into a household where everyone is really fucked up and blames each other and they're all quite awful. I think the ending is trying to show us that Samson is not really to blame for his bad acts because he's just production of Sammie's craziness. But I have a hard time with that because Sammie is going through it and seemed to be trying really hard. So I guess I'm supposed to be fine with that conclusion, that trying your best is not enough in parenthood. You can do everything, try to change yourself and beat stereotypes, and still may amount to nothing. My only other thought is that Samson just has some sort of social behavior disorder. How he was going to therapy for so long and that would not be discovered, I'm not sure. This didn't really remind of Arnett's debut (besides the family dynamic/all the fucked up people) that I love so much. I wasn't as impressed with this one but it wasn't bad.

While this is definitely about mother hood and queerness and growing older, the most fascinating aspect of this was the dynamic between the child and MC. I really do think this book is trying to dissect who's to blame. Who's to blame for the outbursts and the anger and disappointment. You might think it's weird to question that about a child but he did some genuinely heinous things. A lot of it involving causing harm to other people and living things. We are bound to ask how we got there. In the end, I think the END book is trying to show us that he had no hand in his own behavior. But the rest of the book feels like it's trying to show us that no one person is to blame. Or that blame doesn't need to be swapped at all? I have no clue truly.

I think this book would EAT as a horror, like “We Need to Talk About Kevin” but, of course, gay. I really think Arnett explores things here that would help separate the two if she'd gone that route.

I don't love the cat killing scene (it feels unnecessary until the very end in my opinion) and I think it gets repetitive at times. But overall, I think this is a really WEIRD but interesting take on womanhood and motherhood. Though I'm not a dog/human hybrid, I found myself relating so much to how she sees herself in conjunction with the men in her life.

I think this book will be hard to swallow if you only think of motherhood as a “miracle”. Being a mother, even a stay-at-home mother, is difficult. And mothers are allowed to regret or feel bad about how motherhood affects their freedom and self-expression. It seems simple but mothers who aren't always happy or grateful are seriously shamed. Like ALL the time.