Attached

While there is a lot to say about Bowlby's attachment theory, the information given in this book is really high level and could be summarised in less than 50 pages - the other 250 pages are filled with really simplistic examples and advice that, if anything, would do more harm than good if taken too literally.
Not my type of book and a pretty disappointing read.

by consuming this as an audiobook, i missed out on a lot of interactivity that it has to offer, and those chapters are of great importance in determining your own and your partners attachment styles. in spite of missing out on those parts, i found great information in this book and will probably go back to the surveys and amend this review if they prove as illuminating as the rest of the book.

I wasn't thoroughly convinced by this... It feels like these clean categories of attachment style are used to explain behaviors rather than culture, gender roles, abuse, emotional intelligence, or any other factors that would contribute to relational dynamics.

I'm also begging them to use they/them pronouns instead of repeatedly saying “he or she,” not only would it be more inclusive, it would also read smoother.

Short Review: this is a decent book (oriented toward singles) about the different ways people attach to romantic partners. The science behind the book is relatively new research on Attachment Theory. About the first 1/3 of the book is ways to figure out what type of attachment the reader has and then how to evaluate what type of attachment others have so that you can make better choices to find a romantic partner. The tests at the begining were a bit dull. Some of the science is interesting. And some of the later advice sections about how to relate to other attachment types and how to work through conflict between types I think was useful. But if you are already married, I would not waste time on the book.

My full review is on my blog at http://bookwi.se/attached/

This book outlines “attachment theory” - how people express themselves in relationships falls into roughly three buckets:

* Secure: doesn't have any issues expressing love
* Anxious: is more of the “clingy” type
* Avoidant: is cold, tends to withdraw or easily break things off

Basically if you're a secure type, you're all good but if you're an insecure type (anxious or avoidant), and your partner is also an insecure type, you're probably going to experience some relationship issues. Actually the book goes one step further and basically says “if you're both insecure types you're probably never going to be as happy as you would be if you dated a secure person, but whatever”. A bit of a spicy take but could be true though.

Some of the criticism I saw previously when reading reviews for this book is that it's pro-anxious and anti-avoidant. While I did feel that vibe a bit (the author definitely seemed a tad more sympathetic to anxious types) as a self-diagnosed avoidant I didn't really feel personally attacked or anything. If anything I could agree with a lot of the things the author pointed out (although reading about it is one thing, actually putting it into practice is a hell of a lot harder...).

i was rec'd this book by my therapist with the caveat that it was simplistic but approachable intro into attachment theory

i agree with this assessment: it's oversimplified and very hetero- focused. but, i did walk away with some useful info about myself and the behaviors i exhibit, and a few ways and examples i can refer to to help guide my actions and emotional regulation in the future.

i'm glad to have read this as an easy startin' point, and will use other resources to gain a deeper understandin'.