My Heart and Other Black Holes

Started off with promise and pretty spot on descriptions of depression (though with way too much repetition of kinetic/potential energy theme). But the book then took a very misguided turn into teen-love-can-fix-depression territory. That's a scary message to set as an example for kids. I had higher hopes

This book has good and bad things. I think the author is afraid to use real colours. Not everything has to be golden, honey, auburn or hazel. Things can just be brown and yellow and blue. I also think this book is trying to be too deep. All the metaphors seem a little forced. The many repetitive words also really annoyed me. Stop with all the hazel eyes and black sludge. I've read both of those phrases about 10 times already. I get it. Aysel keeps contradicting her thoughts, she says things about prejudge and how it's bad and then later says “well he doesn't look like a depressed person” It really undermines the point. Also, whole paragraphs of thought between dialogue are very annoying. Like it's trying to stall all the details to keep you reading. But its shouldn't be like that, you should wanna keep reading because you like the book not because you're thinking “god just say it already”

Apart from all that the book was pretty good, the story certainly has good things and has a good premise. I didn't entirely expect the ending which is always a plus.

This book was incredible. It moved me to tears more than any book lately has, and at other times it made me laugh. It really illuminated depression and how it affects every aspect of a person's life. The characters were deep, and the story was unpredictable.
Surprisingly, it is a book about suicide and depression that manages to be both emotional and fun. It is not a drag to read in any way.
Recommend wholeheartedly!

Originally posted on bluchickenninja.com.

This book was really fantastic at portraying depression in a real way. It was so accurate that I actually became frustrated with the characters. In the past I have had low moments and though about death and I came to the realisation that I would much rather be alive than dead. Having experience with depression I know I should have sympathised with the characters but I couldn't help but be frustrated at Aysel because she couldn't see that she still had so much to live for.

Jasmine Werga told me that she hopes this book would “start a dialog about the realities of depression” and I think it has done that. Especially after Robin Williams' suicide it was great to have a book which shows that just because someone appears to be happy on the outside doesn't mean they are happy inside. Even though this is a young adult setting I think that anyone who has experience with depression could read this and relate to the characters. I know it has made me want to write about my own experience and I hope that it encourages others to write about it too.

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE

I both loved and hated the ending of this book. Overall, the book spoke true about how it feels to have depression and what it does to the mind and the body. I enjoyed the premise and the connection between the two individuals. I hope what the author intended to share was that if it great to have someone with whom you can share things and speak your truths. I hope that it is taken by other readers that it can be anyone–a parent, a friend, a stranger you meet online–but the important thing is that you are safe and that you are open with yourself and with others. However, the book could also be taken in saying that you need someone to fall in with with you in order to not be suicidal or perhaps that life is only worth living if you fall in love with the hot jock, who happens to also fall in love with you. But who am I kidding? I'm a sucker for cuteness and for that reason, I also enjoyed the ending. I think the final message could have still landing as strongly, if not even stronger, if they stayed platonic friends, or perhaps even had a small hint of a potential relationship.

Otherwise, the book was good. It's a tough subject to talk about and I'm glad we got to see through the eyes of someone who is actively suicidal, unlike other works that this could be compared to.


Quotes:
“Does a dead body still have potential energy or does it get transferred into something else? Can potential energy just evaporate into nothingness? That's the question I don't know the answer to. That's the question that haunts me.”

“Depression is like a heaviness that you can't ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it's in your bones and your blood.”

“I wonder if that's how darkness wins, by convincing us to trap it inside ourselves, instead of emptying it out.
I don't want it to win.”

“I will be stronger than my sadness.”

“My body is an efficient happy-thought-killing machine.”

nemcsak a depresszió legmélyebb bugyrait mutatja be kiválóan a my heart and other black holes, hanem azt is, hogy tényleg milyen kevésen múlik, hogy az ember legalább megpróbáljon kikecmeregni belőle. mintha a saját életem egy-egy szakaszát olvastam volna.
ez a próbálkozás persze nem jelenti azt, hogy már soha többé nem lesz rosszabb.

a regény egyik legszimpatikusabb vonása nekem az volt, hogy mert kilépni a szokásos sztereotipikus keretek közül és berakott a jól megszokott szociális krumpli mellé egy, a depressziója előtt népszerű, társasági szereplőt is. a másik pedig az, hogy tényleg nagyon jól írja körül, milyen érzés valóban depressziósnak lenni, ami történetesen nem abban merül ki, hogy alkalomadtán szar napunk és emiatt rossz kedvünk van. szerintem még azoknak is jobban érthetővé teszi ezt az állapotot, akik sosem élték át.

a sztori végét viszont kissé elkapkodottnak, összecsapottnak éreztem, jó lett volna, ha legalább egy epilógusban foglalkozik a családi szállal. nyilván a kiszámíthatóságot sem ússzuk meg, de ezektől függetlenül nagyon erős és hiteles ez a történet.

akik a mai világban még mindig olyan begyöpösödött, lekezelő faszok, hogy szerintük ez nem betegség, hanem csak annyi, hogy “szedd már össze magad!”, azok inkább hagyják a fenébe ezt a könyvet, mert csak fölbosszantanák magukat rajta. mindenki másnak jó szívvel ajánlom.

“I've been thinking a lot about the energy of the universe. And if energy can't ever be created or destroyed, only transferred, what do you think happens to people's energy once they die?”

What a wild ride. Super predictable and sad but honestly? Was totally worth it. I really enjoyed the relationships the main character has and her development as a whole. No one really felt 2-dimensional, though admittedly the majority of the novel is spent with Aysel and Roman, so not everyone gets a lot of development. As a whole, i think this book is really good, and I recommend to anyone looking for a sad read to lift your spirits. (That's a wild sentence but if you read it all in one go it will make you happy haha.)

Warning: Spoilers ahead!

Parts I liked:
1. The physics metaphors
2. The “secret” that everyone knows about but is kept hidden from the reader until close to the end
3. How Mike and Mr. Scott were written, so sweet!

Parts I didn't like:
1. Romanticization of suicide and depression
2. The stereotype that one good thing or that love from other people can suddenly cure you of depression/suicidal thoughts (what a complete 180! all because of something so shallow)
3. How Roman was adamant about their plan but also giving out false hope because he keeps on being touchy, saying and doing sweet things (like ugh give me a break)

I would like to note that this is a re-read, from when I was 15-16 years old vs. me now @ 25 years old. While I loved it back then (hello, angst-loving teenager who is fascinated by the morbid), I didn't particularly enjoy it much now (a bit grown up, fighting multiple mental illnesses)
It just felt like it didn't really show how complicated mental health can be, neither did it show the reality of things in these situations. Points for the effort and advocacy for awareness though. It is a good start for letting people know more about these conditions, easy to digest, and doesn't leave the read too bummed out at the end.

I did like the quotes, the word play and the metaphors. Favorite lines below:

“But just because it's cowardly doesn't guarantee it's going to be easy.”

“Anyone who has actually been that sad can tell you that there's nothing beautiful or literary or mysterious about depression.”

“I don't participate. Why? Because I'm fucking sad.”

“Rivers are never stuck.”

“What people never understand is that depression isn't about the outside, it's about the inside.”

“I just wish you weren't so sad all the time, Aysel.”

“You can't live for miracles.”

“Make sure you add extra chocolate chips, he says. Aysel loves chocolate chips.”

“But at least before they died, they were stars.”

“In these moments, it always feels like my skin is too thin, like everyone can see right inside me, can see my empty sad and dark insides.”