Not My Father's Son

Alan reads the audio himself, so listen if you're going to read it. I didn't know much about him other than that I enjoy him in films, so I had no expectations going in. He truly has a heartbreaking childhood story and he shares it with with, wisdom, and great reflection. I'd like to find and watch the episode about his grandfather after reading this. If you like memoirs or family stories, definitely listen.

Having just watched Alan and Miriam Margolyes go around Scotland and talk about his father, and then , straight after, seeking out the episode of “Who Do you think” It was a natural progression for me to pick up this slice of memoir. I say “slice” because this memoir concentrates very much on his relationship with his father and then mirrors it by investigating her mother's lack of relationship (for reasons that will become clear) with hers. In all cases this a a heartfelt book that does not come across as contrived or agrandised. In Audiobook format it was a gem.

I really enjoyed this memoir despite some dark themes (trigger warning: children physical and emotional abuse). I've always loved Alan Cumming's performances and so, I was intrigued by this book. I'm glad I picked it up. It's mostly about family, honesty, love and healing. I recommend listening to the audiobook!

I haven't actually seen that many things that Alan Cumming has been in, though I do love the roles I've seen him perform (and I kinda want to see more of them now). I do love a celebrity memoir, but this was different than many I've read - it was laser-focused on unraveling the lives of two men and their effect on Cumming's life: Tommy Darling, the grandfather whom he never met, who died young, having never returned home to his family after his service in WWII; and Alan's angry, abusive (and later, estranged) father.

This book was so good. Cumming's writing is great, and he knows how to weave a story you want to keep reading. He alternates between his childhood and middle age, interconnecting his experiences of his father's manipulation and violence, while participating in a BBC genealogical TV episode that helped him discover the truth of his grandfather's post-war experience with what we would now call PTSD. It's not a particularly light read, but Cumming is ultimately hopeful throughout.

CW: emotional and physical abuse, child abuse, suicide, mental illness

I suppose what I'm saying is... I am okay. I survived my father. We all did – my brother, my mother and me – literally as well as figuratively. But as with all difficult things, it was a process.

Alan Cumming is an actor I've always liked seeing in films when he popped up. Be it “X-Men 2”, “Spy Kids” or even undisputable cinematic catastrophes like “Son of the Mask”, he always brings a lot of charm and character to his performances.
Over the last few years, I began to learn more about him and his other works in the entertainment industry outside of the movie scene, and it was pretty clear very early on that Cumming had a very varied life story. So, with that in mind, I decided to read his first memoir, “Not My Father's Son”.

“Not My Father's Son” is a very well-structured book about child abuse and how it can be to live up in a violent household. I'm sure a lot of people out there can sympathize with that, and I'm sure almost everyone can empathize with the situations Cumming recalls here. There are some very unflinching passages.
But besides all of that, this book manages to become a very multi-facetted story by jumping back and forth in time, re-telling parts of his childhood and contrasting that with the present of Cumming not only struggling with his late, estranged father but also managing to deal with some other family enlightenment as he takes part in the filming of an episode of a show that aims to research another enigmatic person in his family tree.
It comes together really well and it's almost astounding at moments how well the timing of the different parts of the real-life stories seems to be. It's also fascinating to watch the episode of that tv show after having read the book and seeing his genuine reactions on screen as a part of his family's history unravels before him, and it absolutely matches what he wrote in this memoir of his experiences on set during filming.

Alan Cumming's first memoir is a shocking and heavy text in many moments, but it's also very hopeful and ultimately a story of empowerment and growth. I like to read biographies and memoirs of people in show business in general, but I wasn't quite sure what to expect from Cumming's outing here. It ended up surpassing my expectations and I was pretty glued to the pages, especially during the second half of it.
It's written in a way that feels very brisk without ever breezing over heavier or emotional moments. It's very well-paced and Cumming has a very charming, easy-to-read writing style.

I would absolutely recommend this book wholeheartedly to people who might have had a violent childhood themselves and struggled with finding themselves long afterward. I would also recommend this book to people who are just generally interested in the meaning of a father role in one's life, the search of belonging somewhere, and our connection to family members that we never actually met.