Swimming in the Dark

Un très beau roman qui nous raconte l'histoire d'amour entre deux jeunes garçons tout juste sortis de l'université, dans la Pologne communiste du début des années 80. Le contexte est connu : un régime totalitaire, une situation économique dramatique, une population soumise et désillusionnée. L'histoire entre les deux jeunes hommes est parfaitement ancrée dans ce cadre historique, et c'est à mettre au crédit de l'auteur pour son premier roman.

This is being marketed as a close kin to [b:Call Me by Your Name 10706388 Call Me by Your Name André Aciman https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1515781839l/10706388.SX50.jpg 1363157] and in a sense it is. However where [a:André Aciman 2922229 André Aciman https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1262677849p2/2922229.jpg]'s story was sweet and almost ethereal like a perfect summer pop song or a lemon gelato [b:Swimming in the Dark 45169231 Swimming in the Dark Tomasz Jedrowski https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1582771710l/45169231.SY75.jpg 69872587] will leave teeth marks and possibly scars. It should.The blurb does a good job of summarizing the story so I won't rehash it. What mesmerized me was [a:Tomasz Jedrowski 19076173 Tomasz Jedrowski https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1578253527p2/19076173.jpg]'s lyrical style, his use of language which is at once poetic and cutting like a knife. Ludwik's journey of self discovery in the course of an idyllic summer, the rude return to the reality of life in 1980 Poland, and his disappointment in the face of Janusz's pragmatism is heart wrenching. I felt his loneliness, his sense of otherness in his own country for being gay, for not believing in a political system that's rotting from the inside. So good. ps. This isn't a romance.

4.5 stars! Swimming in the Dark is the story of a young man dealing with anger about an unethical and repressing political system and his complicated and secret relationship with another young man who works for and supports this system. I finished this book with so many emotions. In addition to being beautifully written, it gave me a much deeper understanding of eastern-European communism than I could have gained in a classroom. I was able to come out of this story feeling as though I learned so much. While

This feels like CMBYN if you remove the grooming, honestly. The yearn for equally returned love and the yearning to just be happy, despite it all. Despite knowing you cant live in a country that persecutes you, you still try to. To live in hushed silence and to learn quietly not to speak out about anything. You have to make your path based on lies. You have to make up a character just to live. I love the quote “you cant make people love you the way you want them to” because it's so heartbreaking as a gay person to live like that. To see someone and know you won't get a happy ending, not being able to love someone freely and them not loving you back. Being gay feels like a rejection. Nobody wants you, and everybody's looking for you. It feels like a hunt where you're the prey. This book perfectly encapsulates that awful feeling, and the awful realisation of trying to get on with life despite all the lies and the secrets. Beautiful.

3.5/5

I enjoyed reading this especially after finishing Giovanni’s Room. The book brought the two characters closer and I personally think sharing books is something that can be considered an intimate exchange. Their love was sweet and exhilarating at first but the harsh reality turned it into bittersweet.