These Violent Delights

Dnf @ 47% , I really tried not to, FOR A WHOLE WEEK, because I was so unbelievably excited to get into this one but I'm just bored & was unconvinced of the “extremely obsessed” aspect of this book between the characters. I didn't feel connected to either of the main characters or the story, it's about time I move on with my life.

This review sums it up perfectly for me:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3879973514

“These violent delights have violent ends

And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,

Which as they kiss consume. The sweetest honey

Is loathsome in his own deliciousness

And in the taste confounds the appetite.

Therefore love moderately; long love doth so;

Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.”

― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

In 1970s Pittsburgh, against a backdrop of screaming injustice and cynical indifference, two college boys meet—and disaster ensues. What begins as a childish yet all-too-familiar infatuation with each other quickly spirals into something far more sinister.

Micah Nemerever’s debut novel paints the picture of a teenage gay relationship that feels uncomfortably similar to own lived experiences. When you grow up in isolation, constantly aware of a deeply rooted otherness within you—something that alienates, threatens, and is itself always under threat—clinging too tightly to your first love feels almost inevitable. Too great is the fear of losing your newfound happiness, too important the (brittle) foundation upon which you can finally find stability and a sense of belonging.

“There’s this idea in psychoanalysis that I’ve always liked.” Julian pulled himself closer and rested his head in the crook of Paul’s arm. “It’s that what we call ‘love’ is actually letting your identity fill in around the shape of the other person—you love someone by defining yourself against them. It says loss hurts because there’s nothing holding that part of you in place anymore. But your outline still holds, and it keeps holding. The thing you shaped yourself into by loving them, you never stop being that. The marks are permanent, so the idea of the person you loved is permanent, too.”

Desperate to fill in this shape, yet neither of them ever feeling like they are enough, Paul Fleischer and Julian Fromme’s love spirals into a terrifying obsession.

“These Violent Delights” is beautifully written and paced, always hurtling toward inevitable doom and culminating in a devastating conclusion. This is a thriller steeped in heavy themes, with a clear motif echoed in every chapter. I strongly recommend checking the trigger warnings at the top of this page before diving in.

A five-star book that will stay with me for a long time.

“It always makes me a little sad when you laugh," Julian went on. "The way it sort of takes you by surprise. I love it, it has that sweet sincerity that's the best part of you, but it still kills me how you never seem to expect it. All I want to do is make you happy, and you're the unhappiest person I've ever met.”

You know what, I actually kind of liked this book but I had to realise that I???m just over it. Stories about self absorbed, pseudo-intellectual, arrogant, ???disturbed??? gay boys who can only love by hurting each other. Maybe I???m getting old and all the emotional turmoil of my teenage years finally retired somewhere in my memories. But there was just nothing to gain here. Some philosophical questions were posed, none answered and in the end there was no character development at all.

I'm conflicted about this one. On the one hand, there were a lot of really redeeming qualities about the book and I feel like Nemerever took some big risks with his characters and their emotional vulnerability. That being said, the pacing of the book was a bit off for me and a lot of the decision-making that went on didn't quite click logically with me (although that might have been purposeful). Overall, Nemerever certainly made a VERY scary queer thriller that definitely fit in with my goal to read spooky books in October.

Things I liked: the concept (gay serial killers.... Sign me up!), symbolism/metaphor was really clever— Nemerever did a great job of showing us the importance that metaphors like chess, ethics, butterflies, etc. played to the plot, without being TOO heavy-handed with it— he even alluded to Crime and Punishment, which I thought was cool! Setting was interesting (working class, rural-ish Pittsburgh college campus vibe).

Things I didn't like: pacing (the first half of the book was admittedly quite slow), the tone of These Violent Delights was very pretentious. Like, I get that the main characters are supposed to be “gifted” students and all, but their tone (and the author's narration) felt super patronizing and dry at times. Also, like I mentioned above, I didn't really find that the logic/motivation of the characters really made sense to me. I get that Paul and Julian were both struggling with mental health, but that also doesn't justify some of their more violent decision-making? Perhaps I'm not the best person to speak on these issues, but I found that I couldn't quite grasp the WHY of any of the choices made by the characters.

CW: extreme violence, anxiety/depression, toxic relationships

Lastly, a big thank you to @harperbooks for the gifted copy :D