Never Split the Difference
Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
Ratings205
Average rating4.3
I found the narrator's voice grating, frankly, and his manner of delivery was arrogant. That might reflect the author's level of confidence in the material, but it was somewhat difficult for me to get past it.
Will need to re-read this twice more. So much tangible advice I need to try out.
I liked the book, but it didn't resonate with me. It might have been the timing. It could be that the examples we far removed from my experience. In short, there are other books in this genre that I found more approachable.
This was an eye opening book and from my standards an excellent one compared to other negotiation books I've read. the main difference with others is the wealth of practical, synthesized examples from years' worth of high stakes, life or death negotiation experience. Above all human nature is key in this topic, and emotion is what ultimately drives our decisions. Chris Voss connects these truths to actionable yet simple tactics and a framework that I am completely sure will help any of us if applied. Definitely a stand out book.
I finished reading this book in two days to prepare myself for a very critical business agreement negotiation (I hope my counterparts are not reading this :-)).
It was super helpful.
Very practical tools and examples to understand how to apply them.
Needless to say, fascinating examples from his hostage negotiation experience.
And these tools are useful in not business but also personal/relationships contexts.
Key practical quote from the book:
“You're going to have to have something to talk about beyond a self-serving assessment of what you want. And you had better be ready to respond with tactical empathy to your counterpart's arguments; unless they're incompetent, the other party will come prepared to argue an interpretation of the facts that favors them. Get on the same page at the outset. You have to clearly describe the lay of the land before you can think about acting in its confines. Why are you there? What do you want? What do they want? Why? You must be able to summarize a situation in a way that your counterpart will respond with a “That's right.” If they don't, you haven't done it right.”
Learn how to negotiate, clear methods that could help you achieve your goals.
This went by quickly - then I had to return the book and wait for it again at my library. I found that this author was interviewed by How to be awesome at your job - so if you want a short version of it I would highly rec. listening to that interview.
Good book and it is my first book on a negotiating topic but I feel it has some good merit with public workers especially!
This book is closer to a 3.5.
At first I thought this would end up as a DNF, mainly because of a tight library deadline on it. The more I read, though, the more I realised that this is almost a kind of emotional education on others, as well as being (of course) about negotiation. It's often hard for me to understand and deal with the emotional lives of others if they're directed at me, and this book gives you some of the tools to be able to do that. I found myself having little revelations about human behaviour throughout, and the book has given me a lot to think about, both in terms of how I approach emotional conversations, and in terms of business and work. The stories did not get repetitive, and I'd venture to say that I'd even read a full hostage negotiation stories memoir by Chris Voss.
The reason it is dragged down a little is that for me it was a battle to get through this book for some reason. I was avoidant of it. Not really the book's fault, since the writing was engaging.
While this book is categorized in business and personal development I still think it would be helpful to point out its primary conflict like I would with a work of fiction. The primary conflict in this book isn't you versus your negotiating partner - it's your own fight-or-flight response to a conflict versus the mindset that can actually get you to a win in that conflict.
Among the techniques that help us develop a better mastery of our own perspective, the primary tool is “tactical empathy”. Tactical empathy is the idea, or paradigm if you like, that drives the use of the other tools. From this place of being in conflict with another person (a negotiation) we must take on a posture of curiosity, never assuming we have all the details, and remain attentive to everything our counterpart is communicating. There's more I could say about how to listen actively, observing verbal/nonverbal queues, and all that, but if you want to know more about that just read the book.
I really appreciated how this approach to emotional intelligence uses openness and curiosity as tools and not ends in themselves. For example, Voss advocates against the popular focus on finding “win/win” solutions. Most people want to avoid conflict at all costs and that motivation leads them to approach negotiations by first lowering their standards. They define a “win” as merely getting the least of what they wanted because they falsely assume that has the highest likelihood of success. He dubs these, “wimp-win deals” because what they've effectively done is negotiate themselves into accepting a draw as a win, which is lame. Instead, we should clarify what we actually want and remain committed to that definition. Clear on our objective we then dialogue with an almost insatiable curiosity as to what the other person is thinking & feeling - tactical empathy. Our openness and curiosity are grounded on what actually constitutes success.
Very few self-improvement or skill-based books have resonated with me the way this book did. Voss' writing style is clear, entertaining, and instructive. Not only are his stories enjoyable, but they're informative and memorable, which has allowed me to apply many of his techniques in my own life with success.