Supercommunicators
How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection
Ratings25
Average rating3.6
Come inside a jury room as one juror leads a starkly divided room to consensus. Join a young CIA officer as he recruits a reluctant foreign agent. And sit with an accomplished surgeon as he tries, and fails, to convince yet another cancer patient to opt for the less risky course of treatment. In Supercommunicators, Charles Duhigg blends deep research and his trademark storytelling skills to show how we can all learn to identify and leverage the hidden layers that lurk beneath every conversation.
Communication is a superpower and the best communicators understand that whenever we speak, we’re actually participating in one of three conversations: practical (What’s this really about?), emotional (How do we feel?), and social (Who are we?). If you don’t know what kind of conversation you’re having, you’re unlikely to connect.
Supercommunicators know the importance of recognizing—and then matching—each kind of conversation, and how to hear the complex emotions, subtle negotiations, and deeply held beliefs that color so much of what we say and how we listen. Our experiences, our values, our emotional lives—and how we see ourselves, and others—shape every discussion, from who will pick up the kids to how we want to be treated at work. In this book, you will learn why some people are able to make themselves heard, and to hear others, so clearly.
With his storytelling that takes us from the writers’ room of The Big Bang Theory to the couches of leading marriage counselors, Duhigg shows readers how to recognize these three conversations—and teaches us the tips and skills we need to navigate them more successfully.
In the end, he delivers a simple but powerful lesson: With the right tools, we can connect with anyone.
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To me this book is the final nail in the coffin of the idea that buying books written by general writers & journalists (vs domain experts) is worth the time & money. Its boring & uninsightful & poorly constructed & I'm 99% sure I'll never remember anything I read in this book.
If someone had asked twenty-year-old me what I thought the most difficult challenges of my life would be I probably would’ve replied with something about technology, career, financial stability, something banal like that. By thirty I knew better: communicating with others is by far the hardest part of my life. And by forty I had a fair inkling that the effort was going to be a lifelong one.
I was lucky. Sure, I wish I’d known all that earlier, had more time to learn and practice and connect, but I’m still thankful to have learned it at all: not everyone does. Since I was late to the game, I’ve relied on books for my ramping up and ever-continuing education: most notably Nasty People and Nonviolent Communication. And now—did you think I’d forgotten that this was supposed to be a book review?—possibly Supercommunicators, too. Too early to tell, but judging from my notes and page markers I think it has a good chance.
Duhigg’s principal focus is on recognizing three overall types of high-stakes conversations, which he memorably sums up as: Do you want to be Helped, Hugged, or Heard? From that starting point he elaborates fairly effectively, diving deeper into each, offering research, examples, and useful insights. Occasional tangents, such as advice for communicating online, were germane and welcome. My one quibble is hard to describe, maybe a chemistry thing: I occasionally found myself unable to relate. And I’ll leave it at that.
Four stars IMO, but five in importance. I found much new and thoughtful material in here despite my occasional disconnects. Your experience will differ from mine, you may get more out of it, or less, but I urge you to read it because we’re all works in progress, and we all have room for improvement in how we relate to each other. And because, despite it being the most challenging element of my life, communicating is also the most rewarding.
Good book with lots of good advice on how to communicate better.
Could be a series of blog posts though, and about 20% the size and you'd still get the same value out of it.
