The Twisted Ones

It's possible this would five stars if I hadn't also read The Hollow Places, recently. (Go read that one!) The set up of two the books is similar which caused me ( I swear this was involuntary) to make some direct comparisons. On to the actual review!
I used to watch the show Hoarders and if you enjoy that show you will get out of the mundane elements of this book. The main character helps to unhoard her grandmothers house and then spooky things happen. I unfortunately, do not read horror very often so I didn't know the White People were an established horror thing the author was referencing. If you truly want to enjoy this story I would at least google a summary of the original story. Since I didn't have that background I went into the book unprepped and that led to me not enjoying the magic part as much. As a fantasy reader I am used to all the world building and I was left unsatisfied with the amount of information I was given. Even the magic people seemed like they didn't fully know what was going on. I enjoyed the read, but if forced to recommend a book by this author I would choose The Hollow Places.

Pages ‘n Pines Grading Scale:

5 - Amazing
4 - Really liked it
3 - Liked it
2 - Okay
1 - Didn't like

Unfortunately, this one was a DNF for me. I wanted to like this book, really I did! It has everything I like in it: loveable animal companion, snarky/wisecracking MC, folklore inspired horror, and a setting I'm intimately familiar with irl. For whatever, despite all these things coming together, I just couldn't click with the book. 

I don't blame the writing or the plot, I think Kingfisher did a fine job with her writing, I just think the pace was the main problem for me. I noticed other people mention in their reviews that not enough was happening for over half the book and I find myself agreeing with them.

I got roughly 200 pages in (give or take) and by that point only one particularly creepy thing had happened. I don't feel the book, at least up to this point, had enough suspense in the atmosphere to keep me turning pages and there certainly weren't any sort of jumpscare or gross outs in my opinion. 

Other issues I had with the book include Mouse being, perhaps, a bit too snarky? She suffers the same problem movie characters often do, Marvel movies for example. Many people feel that Marvel movies use jokes far too often, particularly immediately after an important moment. For most people, I think, this lessens the impact of said moment and I feel that's what happens here. What was charming and genuinely funny at first quickly became unrealistic and a touch annoying while also ruining any suspense or sense of danger there might have been. 

A few other nitpicks I had were things like Mouse constantly talking about Bongo and his DNA ingrained hound behaviors. It's cute to mention how hounds go blank when they catch a smell or how dopey your dog is but after a while it gets pretty repetitive. Another would be the supporting characters. Now I'll admit I only read about half the book and I understand this story is first and foremost about Mouse (and to a lesser extent Bongo) but I just didn't feel very attached to the supporting cast and they didn't seem fleshed out much beyond the stereotypes they were based on. One last thing, and this one may just be me and I acknowledge that, I didn't really care for the part where Mouse considers asking Officer Bob about her neighbors and the reason she doesn't ask about Tomas specifically is because since he's Hispanic she just assumes he doesn't get along well with the law? Idk maybe it was just me and I'm making something out of nothing.

Anyways, that about wraps it up. I absolutely see how folks could enjoy this read and for those that do, I'm so happy you could get a scare in! Unfortunately for me, it wasn't a good fit but that's alright, I've got more books on my TBR than I know what to do with anyway!

Pleasant and fun to read with a likeable narrator (and her charismatic dog Bongo) and a touch of humor, but it seemed a little lightweight. The Twisted Ones is a spooky story that's very carefully bland.

Part of the horror of these types of stories should be carried within the main character. Their own mistakes, their own internal conflicts, and angst should be just as much a part of the darkness explored as is the “monster.” Other than learning about the existence of other-worldly stuff, the narrator is no different at the beginning of the story than she is at the end.

Maybe as a short story the animated effigies and creepy dolls would have felt like enough to make it chilling. As a full length novel, it was dragged out and all the characters just a little too nice or poorly-defined (except for Grandma of course, who we're told second hand was quite nasty.) No risks taken here.

It was creepy, but not really scary. I think I would have liked it more if I had read the inspiring story, “The White People”. I liked the set up and the slow acquiring of information. I like the “loophole” that saved the narrators life. The action was good. The creeping dread was good. There was just not a point where I was afraid. However, it was still a good book and I'm glad I read it.

Really wanted to love this book. A lot of the concepts here are good but it shoots itself in the foot with the framing device and constant jokes that ruins all tension. You know from the start things will turn out fine. And while the main character is actually hilarious which makes it even harder to focus on the creepy things that are happening when she's cracking jokes. I don't think it's unrealistic to react to stress and fear that way but because she is writing this book after the fact when we know she is fine it just seemed like she was making fun of the whole situation. I think just the jokes without this framing device I would have welcomed.

On the other hand I do appreciate we know that the dog is going to be fine the whole time I suppose.

I read this one for the Thriller, Books, and Coffee Book Club. We all had various levels of enjoyment for it. 
Personally, this one did not work for me. It was a slow burn that was all slow. I never felt a ‘burn.' In the instances where this actually felt like a horror, the narration immediately buried it under incredibly awkward sarcasm and mind numbing repetition. I read someone that praised the author for subverting the isolation trope and after finishing it, I honestly feel like it was subverted simply by the author not writing it at all. Because of that it read very flat, missing what could have been a super atmospheric tension. 
It was confusing in a way that felt like the author usually writes contemporary or drama or slice of life work and then after finishing one, they decided to make it into a mystery/horror. 
At one point the narrator's dog runs away into the woods and she simply gives up? Like doesn't search for him, doesn't seem all that sad, doesn't leave food or treats out or turn the forest upside down to get him back? I actually sent the group chat the gif from Billy Madison “you get your ass out there and you find that f*kin' dog.” I just don't get that. I would destroy for my dog.  Things really heated up when the novel went from absolutely no action to exploding into an almost action movie finish. It really heightened the confusion for me, and I was not a fan of it. Personally a 1/5 for me. I considered returning the book, or pyrotechnics. 
“‘Don't mind me, hon, I get sarcastic when I'm scared to the tits.”' Did enjoy this line though. 

i picked this up sometime in 2020 and started it while i was staying in a friend's cabin because i thought it would be nice and to read at nighttime, but i didn't get far into it and essentially forgot i even had a book with me on that trip because i also had my switch. but, anyways, i decided that i should read and finish it and it wasn't as scary as i thought it was gonna be unfortunately. i wanted something more sinister. some ari aster kind of horror.

This was a good and entertaining book. It's not my favorite by T. Kingfisher, but I enjoyed it. I don't think it is all that scary—maybe more tense and weird. I liked the main character's relationship with her dog, and could totally get the sense of the scenes that she found herself in. While there are funny parts, I think at times (especially towards the end) they take away from the spookiness of the book. It is a fun read and I would certainly recommend it. Also, as I listened to the audiobook, I must say that I think the reader did a wonderful job.

C-9

A-9

W-9

P-9

I-9

L-8

E-9

TOTAL-8.86/10

<spoiler>

CAWPILE

Characters

Mouse and Bongo

Tomas

Foxy

Enid

Cotgrave

Loved the character of Mouse and Bongo. Foxy was Foxy, was good at points, but a little too much at others.

Atmosphere

Very well done. I was shaking while reading. I twisted myself like the twisted ones. What a Line! The eeriness of the effigy just watching and the Click click click. Chills everytime

Writing

Good writing, I enjoyed that it’s a “found story” also that it has a found story in it. I thought it played well with the narrative of not knowing if any or who survives.

Plot

Good plot plenty of twists

Investment

Heavily Invested in seeing where this ended up. And what is going on.

Logic

Great consistency, I just wish I knew more, but then it wouldn’t be horror but sci-fi.

Why did they avoid the Grandma, why and what mostly.

Also Mouse at the first sign of getting freaked out. You needed a metal bat for some bone breaking. That’s my only – here. No weapon for mouse

Enjoyment

While I don’t usually enjoy Horror, I really enjoyed this book, very creepy, with enough breaks to keep me feeling ok.

Misc

Whole lives hinging on Linoleum

Anna Fakeout- I thought she had kidnapped him maybe, until literally just before like 1 sentence before

Real world vs fake world distortion

Horny Stone

Click Click Click, caused by the effigy’s stones

Mouse’s editorializing Cotgraves’ book

Dog humor on Point. Watch the serial kill kill me

I made faces like the faces on the rocks, and I twisted myself about like the twisted ones, and I lay down flat on the ground like the dead ones.

</spoiler>

Oh yeah, this turned into the creepy, dark read I was looking for. However, the first part of the book (maybe 1/4 or half of it?) was in a train-of-thought, first-person narration style with nothing really happening and I did NOT enjoy that. But there's this one scene that basically was nearly my worst nightmare and I couldn't put it down after that.

2.5 stars.

Mouse and her dog Bongo head to the Carolinas to clean out her dead grandmother's house. Not only was her grandmother an awful human, but Mouse discovers she was also a total hoarder. And there's weird stuff in the woods.

I was excited about this one, since I'd heard good things about it. But it gets repetitive and tedious. The characters are likable but not truly engaging. The dog is cute. But it never fulfills the promises of its own creepiness. There was quite a bit of wandering around the woods and cleaning a house that should have been bulldozed right away. This whole fiasco could have been avoided if the main character has done just that. Her reasoning for staying wasn't quite believable enough when she's faced with weird creatures cobbled together from dead things and trash and flora. The setup doesn't work for me, and the conclusion was almost anticlimactic to me. It could have been great, but it just didn't quite make it.

Well this was an interesting one to read. It is classified as horror but (for me) is more of a folklore thriller filled with sarcastic wit and humor throughout. I wanted to like it more than I did but parts of it felt unnecessarily wordy which made it slow in huge parts. I did enjoy Mouse and Foxy. They are what kept me reading as their quips and jokes had me laughing.